After The Next Census, Hell Will Receive A Huge Increase In Electoral Votes

America may be experiencing a shortage of cheap energy, but the United States is brimming with a record supply of political reprobates. The following is just a partial list of those who should seriously considering purchasing asbestos undergarments as they enter the afterlife:

People who earn their filthy lucre by pretending to be conservative: Rumor has it that at this very moment, Satan is constructing the spacious new Peggy Noonan Wing Of Hell, which is conveniently situated right between the Benedict Arnold and Judas Iscariot complexes.

The inmates Of The Asylum For The Maliciously Insane, also known as “MSNBC”: Dear Chris Matthews, in hell that tingling feeling running down your leg will be Jeffrey Dahmer having lunch.

Joe Klein: The good news for Joe is that in hell there won’t be any of those Jewish neocons he so despises. The better news is that the entire membership of Peace Now will be there to keep him company.

Bob Herbert: Have you apologized for accusing John McCain of being racist because he included the Washington Monument and Leaning Tower in his TV ads (despite the fact that the Washington Monument and Leaning Tower are not racist and were not in his TV ads)? No? Okay, you get to room with the Marquis de Sade.

Charles Gibson and Katie Couric: There is a special place in hell for reprobates who deceitfully edit Sarah Palin interviews. Along with the standard fire and brimstone that eternally torments your wicked souls , you will also be forced to watch endless loops of “The Rachel Maddow Show”. Cruel and unusual? You betcha!

David Letterman and Jay Leno: Seven times as many jokes about McCain as Obama? Can you say, “Politically correct cowards?” I knew you could! And so unfunny, too!! Hey Dave, can we have another “McCain is an old guy” joke? Those gems NEVER get old! In hell, your punishment will be that a talentless late night talk show host will take you to the top of a New York office building and then drop you like a watermelon so that you splatter on the pavement. This will happen twenty four hours a day until the end of time…which in your case isn’t nearly long enough.