Once Again We Are Disappointed By Shameful Torture Allegations.

A March 16th article in the Washington Post details allegations contained in a Red Cross report of Torture at CIA jails which are, in my opinion, a national embarrassment. The report outlines what is described as “cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment” or terrorist detainees and includes accounts of “physical and psychological brutality”.

Upon reading that far into the article, I was understandably curious. I am, of course, gravely concerned with our prestige and image as a nation. If our standing in the international community concerns you as much as it does me, you are not going to like what I’m about to tell you.

According to this Red Cross report, it seems the “torture” experienced by these maggots amounts to little more than “sleep deprivation”… “loud noise”… “extreme temperatures”… and “beatings”.

Oh…and I guess they were waterboarded too.

Fellow Americans…this disgusts me. How much longer are we going to let this continue? I am sick and tired of story after story promising horrific, detailed accounts of prisoner torture only to have my hopes dashed by another lame, Disney-esque ballet recital of what amounts to better treatment than I received as a seventeen-year-old recruit at Parris Island!

Are we talking about torture or a Skull and Bones initiation?

As for the folks at the CIA, I’m very, very disappointed. Where the hell are these “secret prisons” anyway? At the edge of the gumdrop forest? In the land of bunny trees? Do these prisons have fences around them or just rows of candy canes patrolled by leprechauns armed with magic bugles that shoot wads of laffy-taffy?!!!

Sorry if this “torturing prisoners” stuff is something new for you folks at the CIA, but since you apparently have people down there at Gitmo, couldn’t you have at least made a local call to Castro’s people for a few pointers?

We’re expecting thumb screws, electrodes and battery acid and the best you can do is to turn down the thermostat and mess with their TV reception!

I think the folks at the CIA need to be reminded that they are representing the United States of America and our international credibility is at stake here. It would be nice to hear some accounts of torture that didn’t include foot massages and platters of peeled grapes drizzled in balsamic vinaigrette!

Better yet, maybe the CIA should implement a guest worker program for some of these Mexican drug cartel enforcers since, apparently, torturing terrorists now falls under the category of “jobs that Americans will no longer do”.

Lastly, I think it’s time to shred the Geneva Convention. It’s obvious that the United States is the only country that is held to that standard. So much so, in fact, that it now applies even to those not covered by the Geneva Convention.

We’re always hearing about how we must reach out to other cultures…right? We should focus on what unites us rather than what divides us…right? Fine, what better way to reach out and identify with the wonderful, peaceful practitioners of Islam than to…maybe…adopt some of the “enlightened” approaches endorsed by Iran, the Taliban or the Saudi government? Instead of playing loud music and curtailing “nap time”, how about dropping a pile of rocks on one of these jihadist scumbags? We could accomplish our objectives while, at the same time, showing them that we embrace their culture.

I think chopping off the occasional hand would do much to boost our image on this “Muslim street” that we hear so much about. It would, at the very least, make it easier to spot the released detainees when they show up on the battlefield again. I guess it would also make it a little tough for them to pull a trigger too.