Diary

Pravda is Warming Up to Caroline Kennedy…and I’m Shocked, Shocked to Find That Gambling is Going On in Here!

In her January 7th column the New York Times Countess of Truth, Maureen Dowd, has proclaimed her enthusiastic support for Caroline Kennedy-Sczchlawsssberghtscht’s latest aristocratic fancy, that being appointed office.

Evidently Ms. Dowd has looked at Ms. Kennedy’s profile carefully and has come to the realization that yes, she is qualified to be a Senator in the sense that, from a spatial displacement standpoint, her ass will actually fit into the same chair once occupied by Hillary Clinton. With such broad criteria, I suppose we can no longer say that liberals are an exclusive group.

After dismissing Kennedy’s ‘Miss Teen USA’ orating style, attributable to the type of shyness to be expected from the multimillionaire daughter of a deified President who has had to endure a lifetime of adulation and liberal sycophantic idolatry, Countess Maureen recoils at the ‘howls’ of utter ingratitude over Kennedy’s offer to bestow upon us, the mere proletariat masses, her “magic capital.”

For JFK so loved New York that he gave them his only begotten daughter…Forgive them John, for they know not what they do…

Ms. Dowd goes on to lament the fact that JFK Jr. ‘died before he had the chance’ (insert music and slow-motion video tribute here) to save us from our miserable, failed lives. She refers to his magazine publishing endeavor as “A frivolous use of his time.”

For those outside of the Manhattan cocktail party crowd, “frivolous use of time” is lib-speak for “a job”.

How dare JFK Jr. squander so many years of his life by being good at something! How dare he ignore his legacy fortune and actually produce…like some…commoner. Thanks to his selfishly feeding an insatiable desire for worthiness, we would have to wait until 2008 for “hope” to finally come to the hopeless, tired, hungry, thirsty, shivering, slobbering, drooling masses.

What liberals don’t seem to understand is that it is not what Caroline Kennedy is that we find so ridiculous. Well, that’s part of it, but the real problem is what she isn’t.

So Ms. Kennedy has wasted her time with frivolous pursuits like raising children. So she almost wrote a couple of books. So she overcame her shyness and found the inner strength to ask her millionaire friends to contribute money to, you know, charity and stuff. SO WHAT!!!

This woman had one hell of a head start over ninety nine percent of the human race! Do we really have to fall all over ourselves in admiration of her because she deigns to press the “walk” button at an intersection all by herself!

So Caroline Kennedy is an author is she? Please. She is as much an author as Paris Hilton is a film-maker. Hey Caroline…your name is Kennedy. Your dad was the President. You could glue macaroni to construction paper and someone would pay millions for it and display it prominently in the palatial rotunda of some liberal “foundation”.

Despite the vanity Maureen Dowd and other liberals have over ‘Kennedy DNA’, there really is nothing “special” about Caroline Kennedy. Sorry Maureen. We know Jack Kennedy and…Caroline, you’re no…aw you know the rest.

President Kennedy was a tax-cutting war hero who hated communists. In other words, he was disqualified by today’s standards from any consideration for a position on the Democrat party presidential ticket. And if he knew the kind of bad-eggs you’ve been hanging out with, Caroline, he would send you straight to your room young lady.

Maybe it would be a good idea for Ms. Kennedy to spend some time “frivolously” before jumping into the Senate. Maybe she could start small, a paper-route or something. Then, after a few years, she might be ready to run a newspaper or magazine like her brother did. She might possibly gain some insight into how we ‘ordinary folk’ frivolously use our time before presuming to represent us in Washington. She may even bring something to that famous last name of hers which, to her entitle-manic generation, has been reduced to a vanity plate symbolic of wealth, privilege and…frivolous use of time.