Five Days In April -- A Profile In Presidential Courage

A little DIGG love would be appreciated

Today, during his speech at the United States Naval Academy, President Obama spoke briefly about the Somali pirates who tangled with the United States Military last month while holding hostage the captain of the Maersk Alabama.

“I will not recount the full story of those five days in April. Much of it is already known. Some of it will never be known, and that’s how it should be. But here on this day at this institution, it must be said the extraordinary precision and professionalism displayed that day was made possible in no small measure by the training, the discipline, and the leadership skills that so many of those officers learned at the United States Naval Academy,” the president said.

Rush Limbaugh played the clip from the president’s remarks and quipped that he could foresee an epic Hollywood blockbuster released this winter, just in time for an Oscar Nomination.

While I agree with Rush that Hollywood will likely jump on the bandwagon, with a cinematic classic demonstrating that the actions of President Obama were a clear Profile in Courage — on a par with…oh hell, lets be honest — no action by any president has ever been so courageous. Even President Kennedy knew he had an ace in the hole when he faced down the Russians during the Cuban Missile Crisis.

But poetic license, not to mention political correctness, will dictate a few alterations to the basic story line, before this remarkable tale of presidential leadership can be presented to the American people.

In the first place, four teenage Somali pirates is a distraction, not a profile in courage. So in next winter’s Hollywood blockbuster, the hostage-takers will be increased in number, to fifteen, and will be portrayed as returning Iraqi War veterans who have suffered from post-traumatic stress syndrome, and have formed a White Supremacist group in Montana — forming their own militia armed with automatic weapons obtained at a gun show.

Instead of the Maersk Alabama, a pirate attempt at high ransom, the hostage standoff will take place in a South Dakota bank near Northfield, Minnesota, which the group was attempting to rob, in order to fund their paramilitary, Neo-nazi activities.

In the climactic final scene, the president himself (Will Smith) operates a 25MM chain gun from the turret of an up-armored Humvee, personally mowing down at least half of the gang. Unfortunately, in the battle, the entire Northfield Elementary School 2nd grade class was killed by friendly fire. That class had the unfortunate distinction to be on a field trip to the bank at the time of the attempted robbery.

The cinematic classic, which actually takes us minute-by-minute through the entire five days of the standoff, detailing the president’s personal thoughts by the use of a narrator (Pee Wee Herman) offers us an all not rare enough glimpse into what the Obama White House wants us to perceive about the man.

The Producer and Director (Michael Moore) calls this the culmination of his life’s work — and promises the American public to continue making cheezy propa-mentaries, unless each and every American adult pays his $10 at the box office, and then buys the DVD for home use.

Originally posted at The Minority Report