Diary

How to End the Wuhan Flu Pandemic

As the the cases of coronavirus have seen spikes in incidents in many states across the country, it is long past time that draconian measures be adopted.  Therefore, this writer has cobbled together a real plan to combat this deadly disease.  The first step is to identify the carriers of the disease regardless of symptoms and this includes mandatory testing of all Americans regardless of age, ethnicity, class, etc.  Congress will start by passing a mandatory testing law across the country where every American will report to a hospital, clinic, county health care center, or their own doctor for a test.  Once tested, the facility or doctor will report the results to the Department of Health and Human Services.

People will be tested based on their last name over 30 days.  For example, if your last name begins with an “A” you must report on the first of the month and so on.  Failure to report will be considered a federal crime authorizing officers from ICE in the Homeland Security Department- who will be diverted from customs and immigration enforcement- to arrest offenders and take them to a facility for testing.  Within 15 days of all the “A’s” and so on being tested, these people will be identified by cross-referencing records with the IRS, Census Bureau, Social Security Administration, and other government databases.

Anticipating that there will be resistance in some quarters to such moves, Congress will pass a law suspending the Second Amendment.  Anyone who fails to comply with the testing mandate will have their firearms licenses rescinded by the ATF, face felony charges, and be denied the right to own a firearm in the future having been deemed a felon.  Further, to avoid any repeats of Ruby Ridge, the US military will be tasked with enforcement also.  There is no such thing as “too much” military firepower when dealing with this deadly disease.

Within 30 days of testing positive for the virus (regardless of symptoms), subjects will report to their county health department where they will receive a tattoo on their forearm designating the state and a unique-to-the-individual serial number.  Once tattooed, the government will be empowered to nationalize the rail industry to transport these people to recovery camps far removed from cities.  It is suggested that these camps be administered by a virus czar, perhaps Andrew Cuomo given his stellar handling of the disease in New York.

Those testing negative will then report to their county health facility and receive a vaccine.  Those that refuse will face the punishments listed above, again using the full force of government law enforcement and the military.  Maryland governor Larry Hogan will be deputized to enforce compliance.  Fellow citizens will receive a monetary award for reporting anyone who fails to comply.

It goes without saying that after those testing positive are removed from the general population, there will be a national mask-wearing mandate… just in case.  Gatherings will be held to no more than 5 people no matter the circumstances with one exception: public protests if a police officer should shoot a black suspect.  Then, and only then, are gatherings of more than 5 people permissible.  If rioting and looting should occur, the National Guard and law enforcement will be too busy enforcing the more important task of containing and eradicating this virus.  Some may call this unfair; this writer calls it reparations.

But what about the people in the recovery camps run by Cuomo?  Should they die while in the camp, the government will bear the burden and task of burying them in mass graves near the camps.

All religious houses of worship, except mosques, will be closed until the virus is eradicated.  Any that refuse will lose their tax exempt status, except mosques.

As for schools, they may reopen outside the recovery camps provided they (1) have mandatory mask-wearing, (2) social distancing, (3) teach students how to report those who violate the new laws, and (4) adopt the 1619 Project into their curriculum with special emphasis on how the virus disproportionately affects people of color.  Parents can permit their children to learn remotely and those that do will be provided with a free laptop and 5G Internet connection and permitted to play two hours of FortNite on the computers.

All voting will be by mail and open only to those not in the recovery camps.  Mailmen will wear gloves lest the virus jump on the envelopes.  In 2052, President Kamala Harris, having replaced Biden in 2022 after testing positive and removed from office under the 25th Amendment, will make a determination whether to continue these measures and certify the virus has been eradicated.

Incidentally, the all mail-in election of 2022 surprisingly gave the Democrats a 100-0 advantage in the Senate and 435-0 in the House whereupon they rescinded term limits for Presidents citing the pandemic.

{Note: This entry was intended to be satirical and in no way minimized the horrors of the Holocaust with certain references.  If found offensive, I apologize up front.}