Diary

The Woke Diaries, Entry #3

(Brian Berman/Lululemon via AP)

Dear diary: These are some weird, perhaps covered, perhaps uncovered stories here at RedState that caught this writer’s eye over the past week or two as I surfed the bowels of the Internet.

The Great Armando “Speaks”

Some YouTube person decided to show his displeasure with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi by showing up at her home, cell phone in hand, walking onto her driveway, and taking a big stinking dump right then and there.  Ironically, soon after the act, Armando was detained by police and questioned about the nefarious act.  It is ironic since the homeless in San Francisco are known for dropping their trousers and taking dumps in doorways, gutters, and streets and they get away with it.  The Great Armando- doing his part for free fecal speech in America.

Resisting Capitalism Through…Capitalism?

Lululemon is some apparel outfit that sells over priced yoga pants and other things to affluent women.  We know they cater to the affluent because of the price of their products.  For instance, you can purchase a pair of leg warmers for the low, low price of $128.  The Canadian outfitter is so woke they are encouraging everyone to “fight gender colonization” (whatever the hell that means) and “resist capitalism.”  This is a privately-owned company thanks to CAPITALISM.  The solution is simple: to fight capitalism, stop patronizing Lululemon.

Stopping the Presses to Promote Free Speech

Although not all that popular here in the USA, the Extinction Rebellion people in Great Britain make a lot of noise.  They are some climate change extremists whose solution to the alleged problem is the extinction of the human race.  In an effort to promote “free speech,” they managed to block a major printing plant in England preventing the delivery of 1.5 million newspapers to subscribers and news stands.  Their reason?  The newspapers were not promoting free speech because they were (1) part of the problem, and (2) many are too conservative and do not think the human race should become extinct.

Well, Here’s a Surprise!

Andrew Gillum lost to Ron DeSantis in the Florida gubernatorial contest two years ago.  He, you may remember, was later caught in a hotel room under suspicious circumstances in an apparent meth orgy in Miami Beach along with two other men.  Now we know why because Andrew Gillum came out to Tamron Hall that he is bisexual.  His wife, ever understanding, said, “So many people just don’t understand bisexuality.”  Maybe not, but now we know why Gillum was in a meth orgy with two buff white males.

Even the Period is Not Safe Anymore

According to professor David Crystal, who is some sort of language expert guru, the full stop- such as the period at the end of a sentence- is a sign of aggression in today’s woke generation who were born with a cell phone in their hand.  According to the esteemed Crystal, the period signifies “an abrupt or angry tone of voice.”  Although stopping short of suggesting that we now end definitive sentences with an emoji, he cites scientific evidence for this.  A study of people showed that the younger generation perceives ending a text message with a period increasingly view the message as one of portraying anger.  Then again, perhaps the younger generations eats shoots and leaves (a great book, by the way).

This Dude Picked the Wrong Time

Brian Ingram is chef in Minneapolis who was hoping to open a restaurant in Minneapolis.  Then the Chinese virus pandemic hit.  Next came riots that delayed the opening.  Finally, he announced the grand opening of Elotes Woodfire Grill.  Unfortunately, he failed a fire inspection and had to delay the opening yet again.  But then the unthinkable happened as people took to Twitter and protested the name of the restaurant.  It appears that “elotes” is grilled Mexican street corn and the surname “Ingram” clearly is not Mexican, or anything approaching Hispanic.  Bowing to pressure amidst accusations of cultural appropriation, he indefinitely delayed the opening until he could devise a new, more woke, less culturally appropriated name for his restaurant.

Finally, Some Sort Of Good News

Judd Apatow is a Hollywood figure and no conservative or fan of President Trump.  You won’t see him sporting a MAGA hat at the virtual, woke Academy Awards annual gala on the red carpet.  But, unlike other Hollywood weirdos, he has three things in his favor: (1) he’s married to comedic actress Leslie Mann, (2) he has been a lone voice in Hollywood against China, and (3) he has spoken his mind on Hollywood and China.  Describing the relationship between Hollywood and China recently, Apatow said, correctly:

Instead of us doing business with China and that leading to China becoming more free, what has happened is a place like China has bought our silence with their money. They have just completely shut down critical content about human-rights abuses in China.

Well, a clock is right twice a day and even a stupid squirrel occasionally finds a nut.