Dear diary: it’s been a couple of weeks since my last entry, but things have been busy following the travails of Joe Biden and trying to interpret his words and train of thought. But, I finally found some stories that may or may not have made the pages of Redstate.
Portland Peaceful Protesters Invent a New Dance
One protester on night #100 of the ongoing riots in Portland decided to celebrate by bringing a Molotov cocktail to the revelry. Obviously lacking the arm of a Bob Gibson or Don Drysdale, the thrown device landed woefully short and set a fellow peaceful protester on fire. Their effort was so monumentally bad, yet so monumentally funny leading many who viewed it to pee their pants in fits of hilarious laughter. Hence, a new dance craze is sweeping the Nation- the Stop-Drop-and Roll.
It’s Highway Robbery, I Tell Ya
Eleven students at Boston’s pricey Northeastern University have been dismissed for gathering together, thus violating the university’s Covid social distancing regulations. Apparently the Covid Gestapo swooped into the hotel where they were housed and discovered the unmasked revelry. It was a 1-2-3 punch to the gut of the students who were supposed to learn abroad this year, but instead had to learn abroad virtually while holed up in Boston. Then not only are they dismissed, but they are now forced to forfeit their $36,000 per year tuition. Well, that’s $400,000 in free money to now teach the evils of white privilege.
Now This IS White Privilege
Some groups went on a rampage recently in New York’s Flatiron District causing over $100,000 in damages to buildings and businesses. It resulted in eight arrests. Among those arrested was Clara Kraebber whose parents recently purchased a $1.8 million apartment on the Upper East Side to go along with their home in Connecticut and its four fireplaces. Ms. Kraebber also is an undergraduate at Rice University ($50,000 annual tuition). Now she has the privilege of having a criminal record.
Israeli Protesters Are Much Better
Unlike Portland, protesters have showed up in Jerusalem for the past 11 weekends to protest against Benjamin Netanyahu over corruption and his response to the Covid-19 thing. They only protest on weekends because, unlike Portland, the protesters likely have real jobs during the week. This past weekend Zeev Engelmayer, a performance artist, showed up dressed like a naked woman. It was not a pretty sight. He may be charged with…get this: “sexual harassment of the public.”
“As a Trans Person” Commands Obedience
Transgender activism is all the rage in Great Britain and one person is trying to shame businesses into stopping advertising in conservative publications. One such business is Co-Op, England’s fifth largest supermarket chain and one such publication is the Spectator. Succumbing to the rantings of one transexual with all of 100 Twitter followers and even more pronouns in their profile, Co-Op announced that they would work to seek change in the musings of the Spectator. In a stunning display of counter-counter-protest, the Spectator beat Co-Op to the punch and told them to stick their ads where the sun don’t shine.
Another Sign of the Impending Apocalypse
Scientists recently discovered that deep below the San Andreas fault in California, an unexplained rock melting process is taking place. Although originally believed that most of the seismic activity along the fault extended no deeper than 10 miles into the crust, this new phenomena seems to suggest that the dynamics of earthquake formation are much, much deeper. California is literally burning miles under its surface. Well, at least NASA assures us the asteroid won’t hit earth in November…
Well, you can’t fault a Democrat for trying. First we had the impeachment debacle over a phone call with another world leader that seemed to trigger some self-righteous goofball. Then, there is the Covid pandemic “lack of response.” But besides allegedly trashing dead American soldiers from World War I- a story that was relevant for about 48 hours- we also learned that President Trump secretly had a stroke. Redstate should run a contest to see what the next “controversy” will be trotted out. I’ll place my money on some trumped up (sorry- bad pun) story involving Trump and a secret tryst with some white suburban soccer mom confirmed by at least four anonymous sources. Bonus: Name the publication and the “controversy” correctly and get an all-expenses paid trip to Portland, Oregon on behalf of the Redstate Front Page Writers. Just a suggestion…