Day 1 of the DNC Virtual Convention: What Really Happened

Democratic National Convention via AP


First, I confess to not watching the borefest known as the DNC convention held in the mythical city of Milwaukee, or- more appropriately, Oz.  Instead, I’ve read some of the commentary by the fine front page writers here at Redstate who, as part of having the honor of being a front page writer, are assigned to watch this thing from start to finish.  I also rely on a very well-known, renowned political expert named Charlie Sykes.  This is a man who has his finger on the heart of American politics.  Sykes is, of course, editor-in-chief of that go-to website for real conservative commentary- The Bulwark.  You know they are conservative because they say they are “conserving” conservatism.  Anyway, relying on his analysis of the six highlights of day one, I think it really looked like this:

Highlight 1: Kristin Urquizza

This young lady’s claim to fame is that her father died of the Wuhan flu.  According to Ms. Urquizza, the elder Urquizza would have been there today (where is never specified…the virtual Milwaukee?), but he had a pre-existing condition- he trusted Trump.  Left out was her comment that if only Trump had stopped travel from China in December instead of March, maybe the virus would have never entered the country.   After her speech, the DNC presented a montage of the 778,000 people killed worldwide with the chyron, “If only Trump acted sooner.”

Highlight 2: Bruce Springsteen’s “The Rising”

Either Charlie likes Springsteen, or he likes the song.  Left out of the description by Sykes was the visual of Joe Biden gingerly walking up the steps of his basement aided by Dr. Jill.  Looking vaguely like the crypt keeper from “Tales From the Crypt,” the use of the song “The Rising,” as in rising from the cellar, could not have been more appropriate.  What Sykes did not mention was the introduction of the Democrat’s platform in video montage format with Rage Against the Machine’s “Killing In the Name Of” blasting in the background.

Highlight 3:  The Biden-Amtrak Video

Everyone knows that Joe Biden liked to travel by train on Amtrak from DC to his beloved Delaware- a whole 111 mile trip to Wilmington.  The video was narrated by Amtrak people who sung the praises of Biden since he was the only one to ever get off at the Wilmington stop.  This video was actually used to kick off what Joe Biden described as a “new method of campaigning” in an email to supporters: a train whistle stop tour of all 57 states.  The train will not actually “stop” anywhere, but Joe will wave to people out the window wearing a mask as the train zips along at 80 miles per hour.

Highlight 4: John Kasich

Yes… this I did see and Charlie Sykes and the fine dopes at The Bulwark who actually believe anyone listens to John Kasich.  The man is a cure for insomnia.  Standing at a crossroads somewhere in Podunk, USA, Kasich- dressed like the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz- in keeping with the theme of the night- flung his arms in one direction and told Dorothy you could vote for Trump, then flinging his arms the other way, said you could vote for Biden.  Dorothy and Kasich decided on the s***-brown Biden path and happily skipped off.  If he only had a brain…

Highlight 5: Bernie Sanders

Seems kind of strange that someone who says they are conserving conservatism would think an avowed socialist like Bernie Sanders was the second-coming of Jesus Christ, but these are some strange days in which we live.  Left unsaid is that after watching Bernie Sanders deliver a spittle-prone address, Charlie Sykes and others at The Bulwark put aside the tissues and hand lotion and zippered up their pants.  But, they weren’t finished with the mental masturbation because…

Highlight 6: Michelle Obama

Here, Mr. Sykes quotes the former First Lady/Man regarding empathy:

Whenever we look to this White House for some leadership or consolation or any semblance of steadiness, what we get instead is chaos, division, and a total and utter lack of empathy.

If it involves Trump and The Bulwark, context with respect to Trump is everything because he leaves out what else she said:

My husband…you know…Barack…the former President, he laid the groundwork for the Trump administration.  He knew that Trump would be a problem and he instituted a whole spying system.  He left behind people opposed to Donald Trump to sabotage his administration.  He even left behind cages with children in them so the press can accuse Trump of doing what he did.  That’s leadership we need.

It was at this point, Charlie, et. al. reached for the hand lotion and tissues again.

Gee… I cannot wait to hear about the day 2 highlights from Charlie Sykes and crew to hear some more mental masturbation.  But, what’s a hairy palm and some acne when you have conservatism to conserve?