Some Silly Stories to Pass the Time During a Lockdown

AP Photo/Rogelio V. Solis

In a continuing effort to divert the reader of Redstate’s attention from “America Held Hostage- Day 75” hosted by Ted Koppel, here are some other stories showing that despite some virus, life and stupidity march on.

A Second Plague

I know its been written about here at Redstate, but it’s worth repeating: It appears a horde of murder hornets have invaded the the United States from China!  And they first showed up in Washington.  Now if memory serves me correctly…  These things are so nasty they kill American bees in their nest even when outnumbered 1000:1.  Now that is some badass, kung-fu fighting killer hornets from China.  And they look a lot scarier than that virus thing.

Breaking News: Holes in Masks Make It Easier to Breathe

A woman stopped to buy gas at a station in Lexington, Kentucky and she was doing her part to “flatten the curve” by donning her Wuhan virus mask…but with a twist.  The attendant noticed that she had cut a hole over where her mouth would have been if it were covered by the mask.  When asked why she had a hole over the mouth- which would lead rational people to believe that this was defeating the purpose of wearing the mask- the woman replied “because it makes it easier to breathe.”  You know what else makes it easier to breathe?  Not wearing a mask.

Speaking of Masks…

I cannot speak from personal experience, but I’ve been told that San Diego is the most boring large city in the United States which I kinda doubt since it sits about 20 miles from Tijuana and its band of illegal immigrants waiting to invade San Diego.  The city is part of San Diego County, a sprawling 5,000 square miles of real estate and smack in the middle is the town of Santee.  The picture here says a thousand words as this guy apparently thought wearing a Klan hood would save him from Covid-19.  It is, after all, a mask and as one can see in the picture he is also social distancing.  This sent the county into a tizzy from which they may never recover.  The ADL has denounced the incident and one is sure the SPLC will declare that buying produce in a Klan hood is a certified hate crime.

The Chicago of Africa

Mohammed Buhari is the president of that cosmopolitan outpost in Africa- Nigeria.  This is a country that has given the world many princes seeking credit card numbers, koro (a strange Nigerian panic that ensues when one believes their penis will fall off), and young children with disabilities being branded as witches and burnt, tortured or have nails driven into their skulls.  Mr. Buhari has outdone them all when he appointed (not making this name up) Tobias Chukwuemeka Okwuru to some position where he can steal from the peasants and team up with hookers on a private plane.  There was just one problem- Tobias had been dead for a year.  That is not even close to the record set by (surprise) president Buhari who managed to name FIVE dead people to government posts in 2017.  He still has slightly more than six months, so this writer will keep you informed.