Pandemic Quick Hit Chuckles



This “pandemic” has a unique way of bringing out the crazy in people.  These are just a few stories that may have- or may not have- received some notoriety on these pages lately.  It starts with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez who has found a way of ending poverty: workers of the world- stop working!  Ranting something about a 70-hour workweek, she knows nothing about “work” unless she counts the time taking selfies as “work.”  The last time the Bronx Chihuahua actually did any work was moving a wet towel across a bar top.

Indians, er Native Americans, er Indigenous People can rest easier tonight knowing that the iconic Indian/Native/Indigenous woman has been removed from the label on a box of butter.  She will be replaced with a tranquil lake because this is, after all, Land of Lakes butter.  One wonders if removing the woman can be considered “label genocide?”

People from Scotland are cool because they have an alcohol named after them.  Yes- there are white and black Russians, but those are mixed drinks, but the Scotch have scotch.  They also talk funny, wear skirts, like to fight, and get drunk.  Apparently even Scotch seminarians like to hit the bottle on occasion.  In a recently filmed documentary, some seminarians were shown giving a bottle of Oban malt to the Pope.  Upon being presented with the bottle, the Pontiff said, “This is the real holy water!”  Vatican kill joys summoned in a cadre of exorcists (censors) who demanded the line be removed from the final cut.

Indonesia is the country with the largest Muslim population in the world, although only one province- Aceh- practices full-blown sharia law.  Undeterred by a Chinese virus, they recently flogged four gentlemen with 40 lashes each for consuming alcohol, and publicly caned a couple for having premarital sex.  Take that, social distancing!

It appears that, according some sites…OK, WalletHub… an estimated 24 million Americans have spent at least part of their stimulus check on alcohol or weed, while some porn sites have registered 20% increases in paid traffic since stimulus checks have fallen into lotioned hands.  Even the Romans knew that sex and intoxicating beverages kept protesters off the streets.

And finally, it appears that African migrants working in China are coming down with a bad case of being discriminated against.  At one McDonald’s outlet, there were signs proclaiming that blacks were not welcome there.  The discrimination is occurring amid an upsurge in cases of Africans in China testing positive for a disease that originated in China.  There is no word  yet in China of any lunch counter sit-ins or marches across bridges, but one can rest assured there are attack dogs and fire hoses (and tanks) being dusted off right now should Africans working in China rise up as one and demand their God-given Big Macs.