Diary

Wuhan Virus Has Reached a Stage 5 Catastrophe

This image released by Warner Bros. Entertainment shows Gal Gadot in a scene from "Wonder Woman." Warner Bros. announced Monday that “Wonder Woman 1984” will now open on June 5, 2020. The film starring Gal Gadot as the Amazonian superhero had been slated for a November 2019 release. (Clay Enos/Warner Bros. Entertainment via AP)

This image released by Warner Bros. Entertainment shows Gal Gadot in a scene from “Wonder Woman.” Warner Bros. announced Monday that “Wonder Woman 1984” will now open on June 5, 2020. The film starring Gal Gadot as the Amazonian superhero had been slated for a November 2019 release. (Clay Enos/Warner Bros. Entertainment via AP)

We are currently in the worst part of this pandemic.  No, this is not about a shuttered economy teetering on the brink, nor has the mortality rate in the United States zoomed to something like 20%.  The R-naught is not 89.4 and the number of cases has not increased a hundredfold over night.  Things have turned for the worse because a lot of celebrities have decided to comment on the Covid-19 outbreak with video and commentary, some of which have gone (excuse the expression) viral.

The symptoms of this new viral contagion are actually worse than Wuhan virus.  It starts with a surge of narcissism and quickly progresses to diarrhea of the mouth.  This is followed by involuntary vomiting and raging headaches among innocent people who happen to hear or see the dribble coming from certifiable bubble heads.

Matthew McConaughey took time off from filming really weird car commercials to make a 2 minute 30 second video on YouTube espousing his optimism in the wake of this viral pandemic.  Unfortunately, the video is about 2 minutes 29 seconds too long.  Then Madonna got in the act by dragging herself from the crypt to let us all know that Covid-19 has made us all equal while sitting nude in a bathtub because… well, it’s Madonna and she thinks people are still interested in her nude body.

How about that Serena Williams testimonial?  Tucked away in her mansion with her thousands of tennis trophies and money from endorsements, she lamented about her stress over the coronavirus.  She even said that her daughter coughed, she got angry, gave the kid that “angry Serena” look, then cried herself.  This kind of puts things in perspective for all those people out there wondering if in the next two weeks they’ll have money to put food on the table, keep the lights on, and not be evicted- stop the world because Serena Williams is stressed for being tucked away in a mansion and she yelled at her kid.

In a sad attempt to prove he is still relevant but proving his unbridled pretentiousness, Bono of U2 fame penned a song related to the Wuhan virus. By Bono’s own standards, this song is not only beyond pretentious, it also sucks.  Word of advice: think things through first.

But it is not as bad as that Gal Gadot video where she and pals like Kristin Wiig, Mark Ruffalo, Amy Adams, Sarah Silverman and Natalie Portman turned out a more nauseating version than the original “Imagine” by John Lennon.  Word to the wise: if you are going to acquiesce to these things, do not do a bag of coke beforehand (looking at you, Will Ferrell).  Seriously… if John Lennon were alive today, he’d take the gun from Mark David Chapman and blow his own head off in front of the Dakota Building after hearing this celebrity version of his original blather.

I imagine how a bunch of smug multi-millionaires got the audacity to sing this line: “Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can, no need for greed or hunger, a brotherhood of man.”  To answer the question: Yes they can because they are starting to live a life of economic hurt right now.  As for greed, that kind of defines the term “celebrity.”  It is easy to imagine a world without hunger or greed when your a filthy rich millionaire.

This is narcissism at its zenith.  People actually thought their tone-deaf, terrible crooning from the security of their well-stocked golden castles would ingratiate them to the masses.  Instead, it caused a lot of people to get sick…and not in a coronavirus sort of way.

There is a silver lining though: it has brought people together in common animosity.  Hatred is supposed to be bad for the soul, but in this one case a healthy dose of hatred probably will boost our collective immune systems.

Researchers in labs across this great country and around the world are working on a cure to stop the spread of celebrities sharing their thoughts and songs about coronavirus.  The only thing that seems to work at this early stage of clinical trials is for celebrities to take a healthy dose of STFU.  Sadly, the prognosis does not look good.

PS- This commentary in no way makes Gal Gadot less hot.