We are a country that both hates and has a love affair with conspiracy theories. They form the basis of bad Oliver Stone movies while many of our elites push some of the most preposterous musings that they result in impeachment trials against presidents. History in and of itself is not an exact science. At its most accurate it is a collection of narratives and perspectives that could be construed as “conspiracy theory” at the time. What may be a conspiracy theory in the minds of someone in Manhattan may, for example, be a bad memory to another person elsewhere. As they are being peddled, it is no wonder people seek alternative “truths.”
Which brings me to the 2016 election. No modern historical phenomena has spawned as many conspiracy theories as that election, so much so that we are talking about it today as we head to the 2020 election. The Democrats are still reeling from that disaster and looking for an answer to the ultimate question: how could someone as “qualified” as Hillary Clinton fall to a TV reality show star who is a member of the hated 1%? They haven’t figured it out, but they have their theories.
No matter what you think of Hillary Clinton, you have to admit she is a vapid political monster- a post-feminist super-villain. Think about it: she married a dope-smoking good old boy with little intellect and managed his career all the way into the White House. Even there, she was the Oz behind the curtain, pulling the strings as she ran interference and silenced the mouths of the women Bill groped. She then parlayed their bizarre open marriage into a Senate seat as a pathway to her ultimate goal- the Oval Office her husband once occupied. She was not content to be the Oz behind the curtain anymore.
There was one major problem with Hillary, though, and one she and her minions did not grasp- she was pathologically unelectable. A ventriloquist lacking a dummy, voters could smell her a mile away. In 2008, she suffered a humiliating defeat to a do-nothing senator from Illinois. Her goal in 2016 was to become the first US President with internal genitalia and she wanted to avoid the mistakes of 2008. She realized she needed two dummies.
She found her first one in the form of a doddering, old socialist from Vermont named Bernie Sanders. Bernie spoke at length about reinvigorating the Democrats, but sent clear signals he was running to lose. Early in the debates, he handed Hillary a gift on a silver platter by declaring, in classic Bernie style, “We are sick of hearing about your damn emails!” Hillary clapped and laughed even though “we” really wanted to know about those emails. In nine words, Bernie rendered the latest Clinton scandal moot.
Bernie was serving his purpose. He was gathering all the wayward leftists in the Party, people who saw him as the lesser of two evils given their distrust and dislike of Hillary. While leading a revolution in the party, he was giving a wink and nod to his opponent. The revolutionary failed to land a blow on Clinton. He was serving his purpose to the ventriloquist. But to ensure 2016 was not a repeat of 2008, she needed one more dummy and as any ventriloquist knows, trying to handle two dummies at once becomes more tricky.
Enter Donald Trump-stage left- descending on an escalator in Trump Tower. He had been toying with the idea of a presidential run for two decades. Something changed his mind in 2016. Perhaps the Wicked Witch of Chappaqua sent some of her flying monkeys to whisper something in his ear. After all, her people and Trump partied in the same circles. But, it is tough to be both Oz and the Wicked Witch. Trump launched into his campaign by focusing on immigration which was kind of strange. It was not a sore spot for the GOP since they hadn’t done much about it anyway. Obama (and Clinton) on the other hand had a PR problem with their deportations and kids in cages which the LA Times documented. Conversely, after 2012, the GOP was soul-searching and wrote long diatribes about the need to attract Latinos into the fold by folding themselves on immigration reform. Obama in the meantime was dispensing bite-size pieces of DACA candy like it was Halloween.
Trump took to the airwaves proposing a border wall complete with flaming pits of burning oil, machine gun nests, and moats with alligators. He was the gift from hell for Hillary. Her lapdogs in the media gave Trump 24/7 coverage. Covering his “racist” remarks was better TV than those boring other candidates. The GOP debates had descended into a rerun of the Jerry Springer Show and Trump was alienating the important Latino vote. Bernie was pacifying the leftist wing of the Democrats. What could possibly go wrong?
Like all of Hillary’s experiments in regime change, from Libya to Ukraine, this one would blow back up in her face with the force of a thousand Benghazi’s. In fact, that blowback turned out to be a bigger bitch than Hillary herself. On the Bernie front, despite his pleas for party unity, the Bernie revolution grew “revolutionary.” The socialist genie was out of the bottle and it turns out that the Left not only mistrusted Hillary, they despised her. Sanders is not a dangerous guy, but he came to represent something radical- upheaval. Meanwhile, Trump, playing the role of Andrew Dice Clay and insulting cripples and POWs, was tapping into something primal. Bernie was transforming into a cult of personality while the Trump revolution was actually “revolutionary.”
To Hillary, things were spinning out of control. People became so disgusted with the corruption of the status quo that just enough of them in just enough states cast their votes for the human Molotov cocktail and decided to burn the whole thing down. What was a Hillary to do? The answer was Russiagate- a byzantine plot complete with trolls, honey pots, cut-outs, pop-ups and a salacious dossier all masterminded by Dr. Evil in his isolated lair somewhere in St. Petersburg, Russia. It all seemed like idle nonsense, but after the unthinkable happened- Hillary lost- the Russiagate conspiracy grew fangs. Since when has Russia, in any of its carnations, supported a Republican?
Without a shred of evidence, the media and the intelligence community pushed the idea that Russia somehow delivered the White House to Trump thereby denying Hillary her rightful place on the throne. What else could explain the unthinkable? An alleged racist New York billionaire real estate tycoon turned TV reality show star had defeated the more “competent” and “experienced” Hillary Clinton. Just like that, history was completely written since it was the consensus of the intelligence community. Everything to the contrary- like objective facts, even objective facts confirmed by the Mueller report- was a “conspiracy theory.” The elite hath spoken and all you people out there in flyover country that believe otherwise are rubes, or deplorable.
The Democrats have not learned one darn thing from 2016. The DNC is still stuck in their Russiaphobic mindset creating a spy thriller with silly old fools cast as the heroes. They seem to forget they wrote the story while they pimp unelectable dinosaurs as the answer to the “existential threat” presented by Trump. The lead dinosaur right now- Bernie- is someone even many Democrats hate. The DNC has every intention of repeating their errors from 2016 to give the nomination to anyone but Bernie. They will even buttress a person like Michael Bloomberg if push came to shove. And when Trump routs whoever in 2020, they will look to blame anyone but themselves.
Will it be Evil Vlad from Russia again this time? Or perhaps someone closer to home like Tulsi Gabbard? Or, a conspiracy between the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. One hears that Claus has a band of little people who are very tech-savvy. Could they be behind some Facebook ads? Are they compiling a dossier with urinating-on-the-bed prostitute elves right now? My little conspiracy today may be “history” somewhere down the road.