The Culture Wars, Vol. #75: Thanksgiving in the Rearview and Lady Parts

Welcome to another edition of the wacky, crazy and sometimes perverse world of the culture wars.  Bringing you one social justice whack job and six short stories to start your day, this week we deal with genitalia and Chipotle.

Bubble Head of the Week

This one goes out to actress Amber Tamblyn who recently related her reaction to Hillary Clinton’s loss in 2016.  Said the purported star of General Hospital:

I swigged some more Zantac and my baby shoved her foot in my ribs as if to foreshadow the pain that was yet to come…a dark realization swallowed me: I was going to bring a baby into this world.  And not just any baby: a girl.

She later claimed to consider giving her baby away to Canadians or Swedes.  I can’t speak about the Canadians, but I do know that on a per capita basis, Sweden is surpassed by only Lethoso in the number of rapes annually.  So one has to question Tamblyn’s feminism if she is willing to send her unborn girl to the rape capital of the West.

Charlie Brown, Racist!

It appears that a recent showing on television of 1973’s A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving has triggered some viewers.  The offensive scene is dinner where Franklin- a black character- is seated alone while the white characters sit on the other side of the table.  To add insult to injury, Franklin is seated in a lawn chair.  Overlooked is the fact that Franklin received his just reparations in the form of a larger dessert than the white characters.

Thanksgiving Redux: Homosexual Pilgrims

Proving that the Left has incredibly too much time on their hands, a so-called history expert recently penned an article claiming that the Pilgrims had homosexuals in their midst.  His proof?  They had a law against sodomy punishable by death.  The logic follows that if there were no gay pilgrims, why the need for the law?  Um…they were Puritans?  A second line of “proof” is that there was something called the Merrymount society.  This required some research.  Indeed, there was a competing colony to the north called Merrymount which was an Anglicized version of Mar-a-mount, a pun on the Latin word for “sea.”  The author contends that Merrymount also means “erect phallus” in Latin and that explains why an 80-foot pole was erected in the center of the colony.  There was an 80-foot pole, but it was a pagan Maypole designed to antagonize the more puritanical Pilgrims.

The Great Georgia Boycott

Well, it is official: Stacy Abrams lost her bid to become the first black woman Governor of Georgia (or any state) when she sort of conceded to Brian Kemp, although there was whining about voter suppression and veiled hints of racism.  Taking up the cause of Abrams were some morons in Hollywood led by lead moron, Alyssa Milano who, among others, called for a boycott of Georgia.  Bradley Whitford jumped on the boycott bandwagon and Ron Perlman- a strange looking specimen of a human (we think)- also joined in the chorus.  It is not as if producers are knocking on the door of Perlman, Milano or Whitford to appear in ANYTHING, let alone anything filmed in Georgia.

Chipotle Doing Their Part for Social Justice

It seems all one has to get a free meal in Mogadishu…er, Minneapolis, is scream “racism.”  Such is the case when a Chipotle manager refused to serve Masud Ali who had run out with food without paying for it.  In fact, he was twice convicted of theft.  A company spokesman said they had no choice BUT to take the word of Ali over their manager because…well, facts are now racist.  Incidentally, Ali previously posted on Twitter about eating all you can and run a waitress ragged at Applebees, tip them 20 cents and “run the hell outta there.”  America- the land of opportunity.

When a Vagina is Not a Vagina, or Something Like That

Eastern Michigan University announced they are cancelling a production and showing of that feminist dribble known as The Vagina Monologues.  The reason isn’t that it is feminist dribble, but because it is discriminatory because “not all women have vaginas.”  Apparently, the show caters to only to women who have proper lady parts.

Speaking of Which…

A federal judge in Detroit recently threw out a case against a doctor in Detroit who knowingly performed female genital mutilation, a somewhat archaic practice among some Muslims.  According to the judge, the government had no right to ban the practice since it had no authority under the Necessary and Proper Clause, nor the Commerce Clause.  Thankfully, they didn’t reach the Free Exercise Clause claim.

Just in Case You Thought John Kasich Was Conservative (Looking at You, Never Trumpers)

John Kasich, the outgoing (thankfully) Governor of Ohio recently announced that he intended to veto two pieces of legislation near and dear to true conservatives.  The first is a bill that would have banned abortions after a fetal heartbeat was detected.  The second bill would have enacted a “stand your ground” law allowing Ohioans to defend themselves against threats in public without fear of repercussions.  Surely, Kasich will “aw shucks” himself out of it somehow, but just remember these actions should this idiot decide to challenge Trump in 2020.