Today is Election Day so make sure you go out and vote if you haven’t already. While you’re standing in line, you can always discuss with your fellow voter the following stories.
Moonbat of the Week
This week’s award goes to Barbra Streisand who sports not only crossed eyes, but a strange spelling of her first name. She actually suggested that Donald Trump is causing her to gain weight. In an interview with the New York Times, in response to a question about the midterms, this aging hag responded:
I’ve been thinking about it, moving to Canada…I’m just so saddened by things happening to our country. It’s making me fat. I hear what he (Trump) said now, and I have to go eat pancakes now, and pancakes are very fattening…
We now know that Trump is making her fat, but unexplained is what makes her stupid. Maybe all the fat is between her ears.
If You Like Beer, Read On…
The Washington Post recently picked up on a research article from another rag called Nature Plants that asserted that unless everyone jump on the climate change bandwagon, raise taxes and energy costs and redistribute wealth on an international level, the price of beer will soar. How do they come to this conclusion? Their models suggest that barley yields will drop causing the price of beer to increase dramatically. Of course, their models also show that the polar ice caps are completely gone and Miami is the new Atlantis.
While You’re Drinking Your Expensive Beer, Get Rid of That Pet
Researchers at the University of Sydney in Australia have recently completed another study on climate change that suggests the 163 million pets in the US is having a detrimental effect on the environment. All the food required to feed these pets is creating a “dietary footprint” on the environment, not to mention all the feces and, one assumes, farts put out by the pets.
CNN Continues to Tank
CNN continues to be the laughing stock of television news as it doubles down on the anti-Trump rhetoric. In fact, people are so turned off by CNN that they actually turn the channel to anything but CNN. In one ratings period, the news channel finished a distant 7th and was beaten by such newsworthy channels as Hallmark and the home shopping channel. CNN is so bad that even MSNBC surpassed them in the ratings.
Dr. Phil who looks like a dolphin with a 1970’s porn mustache, recently had a mother and daughter on. The daughter, named Treasure, is black, but believes she is white. In the interview, Treasure noted that she can’t be black because black people are (1) stupid, (2) have criminal tendencies, and are (3) rude and she is none of those things. In what has to be an understatement of the year, the 16-year-old’s mother, Monique, says her daughter suffers from a very serious identity disorder.
If You Think Gays Have It Bad Here…
The regional commissioner for Dar as Salaam in Tanzania recently informed the world that he has acquired, through snitches and social media accounts, the names of over 200 homosexuals who he intends to round up. Although homosexuality is not illegal in Tanzania, sodomy is and what is homosexuality without sodomy? In fact, committing sodomy can land you in a Tanzanian jail for 30 years to life. So the next time someone complains about LGBTQA+ rights in America, consider it could be Tanzania.
That’s it for this week. Join me next Tuesday when we take another trip into the wacky world of the mind of a social justice warrior.