They never disappoint week after week. Here are the seven best- in no particular order- happenings in the ongoing culture wars.
WARNING: WATERMELON VERBOTEN IN DETROIT FIRE HOUSES
A newly hired firefighter was terminated in Detroit. His offense? Apparently it is a custom to bring a gift by the new hire to the firehouse. Robert Pattison decided to bring a watermelon topped with a pink bow. The problem is that 90% of the firefighters in this particular firehouse are black. When asked whether bringing said gift to a firehouse was “insensitive,” 2nd Battalion Chief Shawn McCarty said it was to some people. The city then declared that such “racially insensitive” acts would not be tolerated.
And here I thought it was the pink bow… Talk about perpetuating stereotypes!
TALK ABOUT UNGRATEFULNESS!!!
Kennedy Kline and Ua Hayes are two field hockey players at Oberlin College- the same institution of higher learning that inflicted Lena Dunham on America- who took a knee when the National Anthem is played. This prompted them to pen an op-ed stating their reasons:
We didn’t feel proud to be standing for America because we didn’t feel that America offers anything worth being proud of. We’d felt this before: feelings of discomfort, confusion, and anger over being pressured to stand tall and strong in a display of unrelenting patriotism. At a certain point, we just couldn’t ignore the feeling anymore. [Emphasis mine]
Nothing to be proud of, eh? How about an education at Oberlin College? How about an education that got you accepted to Oberlin College? How about the fact you can pen an op-ed like this, something likely to land you in jail in another country?
NOW THERE’S A BIG UNDER-REPORTED CLIMATE CHANGE OOPSIE
It appears that NASA inadvertently published a graph on their climate change information page that refutes one of the effects of climate change- the rise of sea levels. In a blaring case of an inconvenient truth, we find that sea levels are actually decreasing according to their graph. “What?,” you say, “That can’t be true. Al Gore told us coastal cities would be inundated with water a few short years from now!!!!”
NASA doesn’t explain this aberration other than to state that sea levels rise from melting ice sheets and expansion of warming ocean water. So where is all this water going? Apparently not to coastal cities, but it is being locked up on land as snow and ice. In fact there is evidence: Greenland just broke a record for the largest accumulation of snow and ice ever which broke the previous record in the previous year. Mother Nature, not Al Gore, has a better solution for alleged global warming.
PROGRESSIVES EATING THEIR OWN: YOU GOTTA LOVE IT!
It seems the upcoming Women’s Convention, organized by the harpies in the Women’s March movement, is facing some controversy. NO!- it’s not the price of attendance which I outlined last week. Instead, the convention is scheduled to kick off with a speech by that noted feminist… Bernie Sanders.
That’s right, folks! The Ichabod Crane of American politics is kicking off a convention of screeching Ashley Judd clones convinced we conservatives will not rest until we conservatives have their uterus. When it was noted that whoever kicks off the bitchfest is the face of the convention, organizers shot back by telling the faithful that even though he will kick off the event, they should be reminded that the keynote speaker of the shindig will be… Maxine Waters.
It is believed that Waters will also lead a symposium on proper wig attire for deranged activists. So, slap down that $285 and book that flight to Detroit. Space is limited.
WELL, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE
In an interview with BBC, two time presidential wannabe Hillary Clinton, who managed to lose not only to a do-nothing Illinois Senator in 2008 but also Donald Trump in 2016, found the allegations, if true, against Hollywood mogul and huge Democratic donor Harvey Weinstein, “disgusting.” But, good old (literally) Hillary just couldn’t help putting her foot in her mouth.
She continued: “After all, we have someone admitting to be a sexual predator in the Oval Office.” You could do so much with statement, but I’ll let the reader use their imagination as long as that imagination involves a cigar and a stain on a dress.
THE RACISM OF GOOGLE AND YOUTUBE
The Swazi Reed Dance is a cultural phenomena in the African nation of Swaziland. One such dance company filmed the dance which includes women bare-breasted shimmying their wares for all the world to see. It appears that YouTube found the dances “too offensive” and took them down from their website.
So what is a good Swazi dance troupe to do? Naturally, they took the streets bare breasted and danced the Swazi Reed Dance in protest calling YouTube and its owner, Google, racist. I’ve saved the reader the scenes of viewing photos of this protest, but you can likely see the same in any edition of National Geographic, circa 1935.
Talk about misplaced priorities. Swaziland boasts the highest rates of HIV infection and the lowest life expectancy of any country on the planet and these women are protesting for the right to expose their flapping breasts on social media? Yeah… cultural relativism and all that!
AND JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU’VE HEARD IT ALL…
A Slovenian artist has been awarded the top prize for “hybrid art” for breast feeding a pug and fertilizing her egg with a dog cell. Said the panel that awarded the prize (WARNING: this is a load of crap to slog through):
Exposing her body to hormone roller-coasters of false pregnancy and organizing the lab infrastructure to execute the complicated biotech protocol in order to create a poetic masterpiece evoking the challenges of posthumanistic dilemma. K-9_topology is a true hybrid artwork with a profound bio-political message and is certain to bring a lot of discussion to the audience from both the art and science sides.
Well, they got the “a lot of discussion” part right…
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