During a dinner during the recent G20 sumit in Hamburg, Germany, President Donald Trump held an impromptu discussion with Russian President Vladimir Putin without an interpreter present, instead relying on Putin’s Russian interpreter.

The scenario starts when Trump is seen pointing at Putin, then himself, then Putin and making a fist.  Anyone familiar with KGB tactics knows this is a signal for a KGB agent to have open contact with a highly placed American mole, and you can’t go any higher than President.

According to 22 unnamed, anonymous sources of the Washington Post, the conversation was inadvertently picked up on the blue tooth headset of someone on the waiter staff.  According to the transcript of the discussion, it starts off with some pleasantries before the worst is confirmed.

Putin:  You have some troubles, comrade.  I tell you not to use family.  We set you up perfectly, but you blow whole thing.

Trump: What can I say, sir.  I REDACTED the whole thing up.

Putin: So what you do now?

Trump:  Well, you know…I don’t know…I might…

Putin: You might nothing.  I tell you what to do.  I read your Constitution.  You pardon people.

Talk of “setting up” seems to lend credence to the theory of Russian collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia.  It further shows that Putin had intimate knowledge of the collusion and could have been directing the whole effort.  Talk then turns to something else:

Putin:  Your wife…she very hot.  Like your daughter.

Trump: Well you know my feelings about Ivanka.

Putin: Yes (laughter).  You seem to like women from former Soviet Union area, yes, comrade?

Trump:  They pop out beautiful children.  (Laughter)

Putin:  Yes…good Eastern European stock.  So, what the story with that Marla woman?

Trump: I dunno what I was thinking….

Putin: And your child with her?  What’s her name?

Silence.  If one cues the conversation with the video of the interaction, you can see Trump looking into the air as if he is trying to recall something.

Putin: When this over, perhaps you choose new Russian wife.

Trump: I might take you up on that offer, Vlad.  I don’t think Melania’s heart is in this First Lady thing.

Putin: I find you fine, younger Russian woman.  She give you many children.

Trump: Not like the last time, please.

Putin: So they have weak bladder and make pee pee in bed.  Small price to pay, comrade.

This would confirm that Trump indeed commissioned bed-wetting prostitutes on a visit to Russia and that Putin had provided the prostitutes.  It is later in the conversation that we learn that Trump’s relationship with Putin goes back further than the 2016 election.

Putin: You take care of my retirement dacha, yes?

Trump: It is well-lived in and taken care of.  I’m going to hate giving up Mar-a-Lago.

Putin: We have deal, comrade.  I get dacha in Florida when I retire…you get to be President.  You have until 2022 after I win in Russia again next year.  Then I retire.  Constitution say so.

Trump: Constitutions…such a pain in the REDACTED.

Putin:  Yes, yes, comrade…but I look forward to retire.  All that money Jared hide for me.  Plus beautiful home in Florida with beautiful people.  Is it true what they say about South Beach.

Trump: You could go there and grab any woman by the REDACTED.

Putin: You and I…kindred spirits, no, comrade?

Trump: We do share a lot…

Putin: Don’t you worry.  We get through this together.  This Mueller guy…he any good?

Trump: He’s a (profanity-filled tirade REDACTED)

Putin:  Tell me…does he like tea?  We have…how should I say…something to put in tea that take of your problem, comrade.

Note:  Trump purchased Mar-a-Lago in 1985 meaning Trump’s relationship with Putin goes back at least to then, meaning (if reports are true) Mueller’s investigation back to 2008 is off by 23 years.

The rest of the conversation is unintelligible as the waiter in question is summoned to fill the wine glass of Argentinian president Maurcio Macri before returning to the area where Trump and Putin are finishing their conversation.

Putin: So you got it?

Trump:  Yes, yes… I leave 15 minutes after you.

Putin: Yes.  American press will spend three days on that.  Meanwhile, you go back to America.  I contact you through cute Russian lawyer.  Your previous…what you call them…Attorney General?  She let her in your country.  She contact you through Jeff, OK?

Trump:  Jesus!  Jeff.  What should I do about him?

Putin: You tell New York Times you not happy with him.  Maybe he get message and quit. (laughter)

Trump:  Then?

Putin: Simple…you pardon him.

Trump:  For what?  He didn’t do anything.

Putin: Comrade…you are so naive.  You think you the only one we recruit?  Who you think get him elected as a Senator?  We have Ryan and guy from California with long name (Editor note: Dana Rohrabacher?) and many others.

Trump: (unintelligible)

Putin:  Yes, while Obama sleep, Russia act, comrade.  We must go now.  Secret meeting in front of 38 other people might get suspicious.

At this point the conversation ends, but not after secretly shaking hands under the table.