As we head into the hot days of summer, the culture wars continue unabated as the SJW loons on the Left refuse to just enjoy patriotic holidays and our beautiful national park system and relaxing beaches. To wit, another episode of the seven (in my humble opinion) best stories from the past week, or as I like to think of it- a healthy respite from all things Trump and Russia.
THIS CAN’T BE GOOD NEWS
Just when you thought she had retired to some madrassah while donning a burkini, the train wreck known as Lindsay Lohan announced that she would be starting her own lifestyle website. She even has a name for it: preemium.
For the low cost of $2.99 per month, one will get the latest in lifestyle tips from Lohan like: how to wear a burkini on a Thai beach, how Islam can change your life, how Turkish dictator Recep Erdogan is the second coming of Mohammed, how to get trashed and crash a car, and rehabilitation center survival tips.
AND ON THE THIRD DAY…
If one remembers, Pepe is a cartoon frog created by Internet cartoonist Matt Furie that was co-opted by alt-right figures at Reddit and 4chan and photo-shopped wearing Nazi regalia while supporting Donald Trump’s campaign. He became so popular that Hillary Clinton mentioned the second most famous frog (after Kermit) in a speech. Hell, even the SPLC and Anti-Defamation League branded the poor thing a “hate symbol.” It really is not easy being green.
It got so bad that Furie, in six short panels, killed off Pepe. But not so fast! Furie is attempting to raise $10,000 through KickStarter so that he can resurrect the amphibian. Explains the cartoonist: “This is an effort to rebrand Pepe the Frog as a symbol of love, peace, and acceptance.”
No word on whether the new, improved Pepe will be transgender.
SHAME ON MARIO
That ever-popular Italian game character Mario is getting himself into some hot water as he treads dangerous territory. In the game “Mario Super Odyssey,” Mario travels not through different levels, but through different countries- including a Mexico level. And here the trouble begins.
It appears that our beloved misogynist Italian character (he always saves Princess Pea) dons a sombrero and serape while traversing through Mexico. This has the SJW crowd apoplectic with cries of “cultural appropriation.”
Even though real Mexicans- as in Mexicans from Mexico- don’t really care who wears sombreros, liberal elites like the Barbie doll-endowed Katy Perry do and, after all, that is all that counts.
CAUGHT IN THE ACT
Christopher John Goldberg is an Internet SJW/feminist who goes by the name “Amir0x” on social media. He regularly rants about the patriarchy, decries the fact he is white and male, and a host of other things near and dear to social justice warriors. Needless to say, he does not support Trump and has some choice words about those who do.
It seems that Mr. Goldberg is also a pervert. He was arrested on 64 counts of possession of child pornography. Playing the stupid card, he said he did not realize the naked images of children were illegal since they were not depicted in sexual acts (yikes!!!).
Failing the stupid test, he turned to psychology by admitting that he suffered from many fetishes and that possession of the photos was his way of dealing with the urges. He awaits sentencing.
THE NEW, NEWER, IMPROVED NEWEST, IMPROVED BEST MATH
It is amazing how bearded academics continuously come up with unique methods to teach people that 2+2=4. According to a new curriculum being proposed by Teach America, in order to interest high school students in math, it is necessary to draw correlations between math problems and society.
Apparently, the way math is taught in the West is too rote, has too much memorization and is way too algorithmic. They claim that the way it is taught is “too dehumanizing” and has been used to “trick indigenous peoples out of land and property.”
Of course, the alternative- socialism- can be summarized as follows: I start out with $2. I earn $2. How much money do I end up with? Answer: $1.
GOD TO BE INDICTED, POSSIBLY DETHRONED
Amadeus Nihilis (I swear that is his name) is a well-respected historian and scholar in some circles. After years of study of slavery in the United States and becoming an advocate for slavery reparations, he has come to the irrefutable conclusion that God is responsible for the institution of slavery in the United States. Finally, our Founding Fathers are off the hook.
When confronted with the fact that the slave trade actually existed in Africa way before anyone colonized the New World, that makes no difference. You see… eventually slaves were brought to America. How did they get here? On ships. How did sailors navigate? By the stars. Who created the stars? God. Case closed!
This runs counter to the narrative by some black activists like Black Lives Matter who blame 21st century white Americans for the actions of 17th century Englishmen…and Portuguese…and Dutch…and Spanish. Let’s just say- Europeans.
This has been ten years well spent by Nihilis if for no other reason it removes the narrative that people like George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and James Madison were hypocritical, elitist, white male privileged bigots. It was all God’s fault.
ISIS TO THE RESCUE
Ever see those pictures or videos of ISIS throwing homosexuals off building because Allah told them to? Trust me- the pictures and videos are out there as ISIS is quite proud of their work.
Well, according to SJW blogger Zinnia Jones, these pictures are just being misinterpreted by us rubes in the West. Ms. Jones is under the mistaken impression that these are ISIS warriors “obviously” attempting to prevent a suicide. Of course, she fails to explain why when the poor sap survives the 6-story plunge they are then kicked to death by the throngs below.
Ms. Jones must’ve had a irreversible brain damage at some point in her young, naive life.
That’s it for this week. And believe it or not, I already have seven stories for next week 🙂