July 4th is fast approaching which means that it is time for liberal loons to come out and attack our Founding Fathers. But before that, there have been some really weird warm-up acts as this writer brings you the seven most interesting stories from the past week (in my opinion) in no particular order.
MODERN PERIOD ART
Usually when we talk about “period art,” we refer to some period in time, but not to some enterprising feminist artists at Buzzfeed. Ever since Sarah Levy painted a portrait of Donald Trump with her menstrual blood in 2015, this has become a trend among some feminist artists.
In fact, Chantel Houston and Nyla Wissa dedicated several lines of digital print at Buzzfeed to give a detailed description in how to collect and store one’s menstrual fluids. They suggest painting on “blood day” because supposedly the artistic juices are flowing that day. One hopes that finger painting is not involved.
I’m quite sure that using feces for crayons may be next.
BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS WOMAN POWER LIKE NIPPLES…EVEN IF THEY’RE FAKE
This is the latest feminist fashion trend that came about during the Women’s March in DC in January. An enterprising young feminist saw too many nipples and decided to start a company called Just Nips (seriously). At a cost of $24.99 per pair, company founder Molly Borman explains that the product “…cements the idea that women can and should do whatever they want.” In fact, they are marketed as the “official nipple of the Resistance movement.”
That includes ripping off fellow women for $24.99 for fake nipples to be worn over your bra. You can even wear them over your real nipples which, one supposes, is a good thing if one is not nipple-endowed.
Whatever the reasons, this proves one thing: capitalism is great!
SORRY…ANOTHER LENA-Y THING SAID BY THE GREAT LENA DUNHAM
After pissing off many a father on Father’s Day, one would have thought that Lena Dunham would get off of social media and stop giving interviews. She and Trump apparently suffer from the same affliction.
This time, she tells Cosmopolitan (which is still discovering unique ways to have sex) that the father she claims no one needs taught her how to use a tampon. That may explain a few things about her father…and Lena herself.
Dunham relays this story under the mistaken impression that America actually cares about her menstrual cycle. But, like Trump, it is all about Lena 24/7.
THE REAL REASON JON OSOFF LOST IN GEORGIA
Forget about the Republican streak in Georgia’s 6th Congressional district. Karen Handel’s victory had nothing to do with messaging, outside money or anything else. Considering that Samuel L. Jackson, Jane Fonda, George Takei and Chelsea Handler all flew in to endorse Osoff illustrates how Hollywood is the kiss of death. Amy Schumer cost Hillary Florida!
Handler, in a fit to make herself yet again relevant, has become the Samantha Bee of Netflix unbound by censors thus allowing her to make X-rated political rants that amount to nothing. In 2008 when Sandra Bernhard suggested that Sarah Palin be gang-raped, it was considered edgy humor.
It ceases to be “edgy” when it is used over and over and over again and becomes just plain dumb. Despite her attempt to be edgy, cool, hip or cutting edge (take your pick), Handler just comes off as a frustrated harpy with crass language in search of an audience. Hail the Resistance!!!
TURN AROUND IS FAIR PLAY
It seems that ultra-liberal Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream has gotten itself into some trouble with some liberal activists. They are so liberal that in Australia, they refuse to sell two scoops of any flavor until that country approves gay marriage.
But a couple years back, they embarked on a Milk With Dignity campaign which was designed to make sure migrant workers who toiled in the sun of dairy farms were paid a fair wage. To the activists, Ben and Jerry’s made the pledge, but their actions fall short. What this translates into is that the company structured negotiations with dairy farmers taking into account their bottom line.
As one liberal website stated: “What good is gay marriage if you can’t take time off from work?” Yeah… exactly right. They also pointed out that dairy farmers “can be queer too!” Power to the people…especially the non-binary metrosexual migrant workers!!
SPEAKING OF PROTESTS
With it now summer- officially and astronomically- it is time for beaches, pools and barbecues… and rock concert festivals. But in England- the home of the big Leeds, Glastonbury, Reading, V Fest and Download festivals- activists are taking to the Internet to demand that they book more diverse acts, especially women and “people of color.”
For about $250 per ticket for a weekend of fun, one can see Radiohead or the Foo Fighters at Glastonbury, Muse, Korn and Eminem at Leeds, the same acts at Reading and various other rock acts like Aerosmith. You can see the problem if you follow rock music- these are all decidedly white, male performers. Even the rap act- Eminem- is white!
That’s probably because black rap acts like Jay-Z and Kanye West are notoriously late to the performance and deliver a sub-par show. As the promoters correctly state, their job is to sell tickets and, quite frankly, more black headliners at these shows just don’t bring in the fans.
Which simply means, the market has spoken and capitalism wins again!
KEN GOES HIPSTER
Insuring that a future generation of childhood freaks populates the country, Mattel introduced a hipster Ken to accompany “empowered” Barbie. Unaware that the man-bun is now out of style, Mattel nevertheless gave one Ken a man-bun apparently in an effort to resurrect the fad.
Jean shorts and metrosexual print shirts are Ken’s preferred wardrobe. Some have thick-rimmed glasses despite Ken having 20/20 vision. My favorite is the one in the yellow checkered shirt with the glasses which looks suspiciously like Rachel Maddow. One wonders if it is a talking Ken that endlessly screeches about Russia late into the night.
Meanwhile, a child draws a water pistol and gets expelled from school. Can we even call them water PISTOLS anymore?
Getting back to Ken, one wonders if they help Barbie in the kitchen making artisan pickles before retiring to the den to use his old-school typewriter. Or perhaps he goes to his organic garden to pick some organic cucumbers for his artisan pickles.
Considering that Barbie remains one hot chick, she certainly deserves much better than this incarnation of Ken. I say be done with it and let two new Ken’s end the charade, fall in love, and be married. Then they can commandeer Barbie’s cool pink car and drive off into the sunset letting their beards and man-buns flap in the breeze.
That’s it for this week as it proves once again, the freak show continues unabated in the name of social justice.