As the ice cream truck endlessly plays the theme from “The Sting” in the background, it is time to bring the reader yet another installment of some silliness in the endless culture wars between the social justice warriors and the rest of us- otherwise known as the sane people.
WHAT’S IN A FLAG?
We all know that flags are a symbol of a country and that what is on a flag often has symbolic significance. For example, the American flag has 13 stripes representing the original 13 colonies and 50 white stars representing each state set on a field of blue.
Well, last week the city of Philadelphia added brown and black to the infamous rainbow flag celebrating the LGBTQA+ to the infinity power flag to symbolize the contribution of people of color to the gay cause.
The problem is that the Philadelphia gay community really isn’t that inclusive. Last year, the owner of a gay bar was caught on a cell phone camera using the N-word towards a black patron. There have been 11 complaints in the past year about gay bars preferring white, male homosexuals prompting the city to force the owners to undergo mandatory diversity training.
But it doesn’t stop with the color of your skin. Chuck Volz has been involved in gay activism for over 20 years in Philadelphia. He made a fatal mistake when he posted two items on social media critical of Michelle Obama and (yuck) Lena Dunham. It seems Mr. Volz is also a Trump supporter and a conservative thus forcing the Philly Queer Exchange to denounce him.
So much for inclusion…
SPEAKING OF LENA DUNHAM…
Well, not her specifically, but her website dubbed “Lenny Letter,” and writer (Princess?) Laia Garcia has a unique idea for a new symbol of feminism: the pineapple. Sure to anger the residents of Virginia, Garcia claims that the pineapple is the fruit most closely aligned with the female anatomy- namely, the vagina- and wants the pineapple emoji to replace the more anatomically correct peach emoji.
In fact, the pineapple is all the rage these days in the fashion industry and elsewhere. The reason the pineapple is all the rage is because over the years it has maintained its neutrality. For example, it has never been called racist, sexist or misogynistic. It has never been accused of cultural appropriation, and it has no negative connotations like the evil cherry which shows up in tattoos and rockabilly culture.
You can playfully joke that a pineapple is a vag, but it isn’t a friendly vag! There are spikes to get around, cutting into them takes a bit of practice, and if you don’t know how to eat them right, the rind will f&#! up the corner of your mouth.
There is no word yet whether the cucumber or zucchini or banana emoji will be retired by maculinists.
In the age of Trump, the pineapple has supplanted the peach and Helen Reddy.
BECAUSE THE UN HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO
Delegates from 189 countries are urging the UN to enact policies that would make cultural appropriation illegal. Upset with the pace of or lack of legislation in some countries and under the guise of intellectual property protection, the confab in Geneva wants indigenous art forms, dance and even words legally protected.
The UN has been working on this document for over 16 years now and wants even false endorsements of anything deemed cultural appropriation made illegal. And here this writer believed that imitation was the sincerest form of flattery. Time to rethink that age-old maxim.
Regardless, hide that kimono and get your fill of burritos now.
CAN SKITTLES DO ANYTHING RIGHT?
First it was Trayvonn Martin and his bag of Skittles. Then it was Trump’s campaign using Skittles to demonstrate the fear of Syrian refugees. Now it appears the makers of Skittles has a self-inflicted problem.
For Gay Pride Month, they decided to retire the many colors in deference to the Gay Pride flag. Hence, they are selling limited edition bags whose proceeds will go to gay activist groups. The problem is that the limited edition bags are filled with white Skittles- i.e., they are not colored. Personally, I believe this is so that people will HAVE to eat the awfully sour green lime ones unknowingly.
You can see the problem! White Skittles… white supremacy! Remembering my basic grade school physics and this guy named Newton, white “light” is a combination of several colors- the infamous person known as ROY G BIV. (Side comment: Were you aware there was no indigo in the wavelength?) Thus, one can make a great case that white light and white Skittles are certainly more inclusive than say… gay rights activists in Philadelphia.
IT’S SUMMER! TIME FOR A SHARK MOVIE AND SOME COMPLAINTS
The list of classic movies regarding sharks is long- Jaws, Deep Blue Sea, The Shallows, any of the many Sharknado productions. This year, it is “47 Meters Down” starring Mandy Moore and Claire Holt who go swimming in dangerous waters whereupon they inevitably encounter the dreaded great white shark.
In a bizarre twist of #Oscarsowhite, it now appears that some within the SJW community are angry about summer blockbusters that depict white people attracted to shark cages and sharks attracted to those people in those cages and are insinuating racism.
It isn’t just a few people, but many Twitter rants have popped up complaining of the phenomena. Maybe there should be more dumb black people swimming in shark-infested waters to even out the playing field. Consider it shark victim affirmative action. And maybe the most feared predator of the deep- the dreaded great white shark- should be renamed. I mean…why do we have to call him “white” when he looks more gray?
GOOD GRIEF! IT WAS INEVITABLE, BUT HILLARY CLINTON WEIGHS IN ON “WONDER WOMAN”
Although admitting that she has yet to see the blockbuster movie, Hillary Clinton could not avoid the temptation to weigh in “Wonder Woman.” Of course, it all came down to herself- the great Hillary Clinton.
Speaking to a Women in Film forum in Los Angeles, she had this bright quote:
Now I haven’t seen Wonder Woman yet, but I’m going to, in part because it’s directed by the fabulous Patty Jenkins. But something tells me that a movie about a strong, powerful woman fighting to save the world from a massive international disaster is right up my alley.
Ha! Ha! We get it. She’s the powerful woman and Trump is the international disaster. Except for an important fact she leaves out- Wonder Woman wins; Clinton loses…twice! (Note: the remarks were made in a 95-second video played at the forum)
And finally, just when you couldn’t think things could get any more strange…
INSTAGRAM MESSAGES FIND A WAY TO END NON-EXISTENT RAPE CULTURE
It appears that some rather enterprising and uniquely strange mothers have happened upon a new trend made popular on Instagram postings. They claim that one should, in an effort to alleviate the propensity for a rape culture, first ask your infant to be picked up first whether they talk of not.
Claiming that she can “feel for a yes,” Nisha Moodley says that first asking her son, Raven, to be picked up will end a rape culture. How one “feels for a yes” is not fully explained. Neither is the connection between being asked to be picked up and how it correlates with rapists later in life. This sounds like a grant from the National Science Foundation. One can see the survey questions now: “When you were 3 months old, did you want to be picked up by a parent?”
This one truly deserves its own exhibit in the Culture Wars Hall of Fame (location to be determined).