As a continuing service to readers here and in an attempt to alleviate readers of the potential for nausea and vomit, I have taken it upon myself to scour the Internet for the best seven stories in the ongoing culture wars. Presented in no particular order of importance, these are the best of the past week:
MEN OF THE FUTURE: BE WARNED
The Bailey’s Prize for Women’s Fiction (isn’t that sexist?) in Great Britain recently gave their award to Naomi Alderman for her tome, “The Power.” Set in a future fantasy world, women have developed the power to kill men with a single touch. This is achieved by the fact that women discover they are endowed with deadly, electrical superpowers.
In effect, their fingertips have been equipped with deadly tasers where they can be set to “kill.” Having not read the book, this writer is unsure as to whether they maintain men to perpetuate the species or whether they have also developed the ability to reproduce asexually.
More importantly, can one imagine the reaction if the situation were reversed and men had developed these powers?
YES, BUT DO YOU HAVE TO RAISE YOUR PINKIE?
After you’ve picked your gender-neutral baby name and gotten all the gender-neutral toys and clothes you can find, celebrate with a gender-neutral beer!
Designed as an effort to show their “company values,” one Brooklyn brewery has created a “gender- neutral” craft beer. It is is actually called “Gender Neutral,” that is how gender-neutral it is. Three’s Brewery’s also has another one coming out called “Temporary Identity” for the truly confused.
All of this coincides with New York’s annual Pride Week where freaks come out and let their freak flag fly. The brewery will donate a portion of the proceeds from the sales of this “citrusy” ale to the Human Rights Campaign.
GEE… WHAT COULD GO WRONG WITH THIS ONE?
Jenji Kohan is the creator of the hit Netflix show, “Orange is the New Black.” Possibly responding to the dismal failures of “Sense8,” “The Get Down,” and “Marco Polo,” the network has turned to Kohan to come up with a new program that depicts the life of a teen-age Jesus Christ.
In a round table discussion recently, she noted that the production had to take out “terrorism” insurance given the content of the proposed program. We are not sure whether this is because it depicts Christ as a budding religious terrorist, or whether actual terrorists will target the show given its content.
THE NEW MODERN MODERN ART
Jake Smith is a budding 11-year-old artist in Stevensville, Maryland who recently received a perfect score of 100% for his art project. That project was a drawing of a Republican elephant defecating on the head of Donald Trump. In fact, Smith titled his piece of art, “Dump Trump Out of Office.”
Like Picasso and Monet before him, not everyone was impressed with the artwork starting with Smith’s father who complained to the school that the picture was offensive and in poor taste and insisted that his son’s grade be lowered. But the Stevensville Salon of Art is holding their ground.
Coming soon to an art exhibit near you: Poop Art.
SPEAKING OF ART, COLLEGE PROFESSOR MAKES A PROFOUND DISCOVERY!!!
No… it is not some undiscovered Rembrandt sitting covered in some octogenarian’s attic! A professor at the University of Iowa has recently penned an article that the use of white marble by Renaissance and later artists is actually a root cause of white supremacy.
Professor Bond notes that many of the statues created in the Greek and Roman world were colored with paint, but that the white marble statues we see today are a product of more white-centered, Eurocentric artists which depict Mediterranean cultures as white rather than any skin color other than white.
She further states that: “…the equation of white marble with beauty is not an inherent truth in the universe” (how does she know what the universe thinks?) and that by doing so, “it is a dangerous construct that continues to influence white supremacist ideas today.”
To break this cycle of marble racism, she suggests that museums and displays depict skin-toned marble or even paints to get a more realistic view of Mediterranean cultures. In short, deface pieces of art.
IF YOU EVER WONDERED WHERE THEY COME FROM…
Three Philadelphia area colleges- Bryn Mawr, Swarthmore and Haverford- have announced plans for a social justice boot camp for incoming freshman to get underway a week before classes start. Pompously named the “Tri-College Identity, Equity and Social Justice Summer Institute,” it will have a pilot program this year with 20 students from each college.
The goal of the program is to enable students to “become social agents for change within their own institutions, in the United States, and the world.” In other words, it’s designed to create a new breed of social justice warriors. Students will learn about “power and privilege” surrounding various identity-related subjects like race, gender, sexuality, spirituality, and even ability.
The program involves lectures, discussions, activities and even physical exercises. Hey…if it gets people to move, perhaps they choose some incoming obese students.
MY FAVORITE FEMINIST GROUP STRIKES A BLOW FOR WOMEN POWER!
My favorite feminist group- Freethenipple- usually protests in public by doing just as their name suggests- freeing their nipples, as in protesting topless. It is basically a feminist-condoned version of “Girls Gone Wild,” or soft core porn with a cause. Lately, they have turned their ire against Instagram and their decision to block pictures that include a woman’s nipple.
To protest, Japanese artist and Brooklyn resident Mei Kawajiri has designed a line of nail art dedicated to depictions of the nipple. Not one to offend the intersectionalist faction, they come in varying colors and some are even pierced.
…women should be free to express themselves. Whether it’s through fashion, art, makeup tattoos or nails! It is a form of feminist freedom! Women power!
So the next time you see a woman with nail art, make sure to take a closer look. That art work you are admiring may actually be a nipple in disguise. It should be noted that some of the art is extremely close-up depictions of nipples making it difficult to discern whether it is a male or female nipple. One would not want to leave out or offend the transgender nipples.