No sooner do I pen and publish last week’s installment, I start scouring the deep, dark recesses of the Internet for more stories. Within 48 hours, I had six potential stories for this week. My wife complains I have trouble whittling things down, but when they provide so much fodder like this past week and being limited to a self-imposed 7-story limit, here we go.
REMEMBER THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN THERE WAS JUST THE SMILY FACE EMOJI?
This one kind of made me go “Ewwww.” Plan International, a feminist group, is petitioning emoji creator Unicode to include a period emoji… and I’m not talking about the punctuation mark at the end of a sentence “period.” A spokeswoman for the group asked that burning rhetorical question whose answer eluded the greatest minds from Socrates to Kierkegaard: “Wouldn’t it be great to explain the feelings of cramps, bloating, uncontrollable emotions and comfort eating in one single emoji?”
An online poll has the following suggestions: happy, sad and antsy looking blood drops, a bloody calendar, a bloody uterus, bloody underpants, a bloody feminine pad. Thus far, the blood drops- perhaps the cutest of the lot- is winning the poll. Coming soon to an iPhone near you.
THE CONTINUING TRAVAILS OF WONDER WOMAN
As with all things Marvel or DC Comics (key word: comics), it seems there is no pleasing the SJW crowd. By the time you read this, “Wonder Woman” will have premiered in movie theaters to large crowds. Initial reviews at “Rotten Tomatoes” give the film a 96% rating- pretty damn good. The movie, the first of the Marvel series to be directed by a woman whose main character is a woman…and a strong one at that…has got the knickers of critic Steve Rose at “The Guardian” all twisted. He writes: “What promised to be a glass-ceiling smashing blockbuster actually looks more like a future camp classic.”
Many critics of critic Steve Rose have noted the awkwardness of a guy calling out a film for being insufficiently feminist. What really has the feminist and SJW crowd upset is the fact the actress playing Wonder Woman is Gal Gadot. Not only is she Israeli, but she is pretty darn hot. And feminism and hot women are certainly not synonymous.
EVEN THE BEATLES ARE NOT IMMUNE TO ATTACKS
Speaking of unhot feminists, in a 1,200 screed in “Salon,” Amanda Marcotte, whose face is perhaps as scary as that of Lena Dunham in the pantheon of feminists, asserts that the Beatles- perhaps the greatest band of all time- took music away from women and gave it to men. She traces this travesty to the release of their iconic album “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” which celebrates it’s 50th anniversary this year. Many point to this album as a turning point in rock history, but not for the reasons Marcotte asserts.
Instead, she says correctly that the album made rock a serious genre. This in turn attracted men to the genre rather than the girls who formerly just wanted to jump the bones of men. It is hard to follow her logic. Does she prefer that female teenyboppers want to jump the bones of male musicians? Is this “music” to Ms. Marcotte? In fact, she seems to negating the fact that women can appreciate complex, mature or challenging pop music. Perhaps she should just crawl back under her rock and get her thoughts together.
TALES OF MISOGYNY, FEMINISM, GENTRIFICATION… AND POUTINE
The Congress of the Humanities and Social Sciences recently held their yearly confab in Toronto. Among the topics discussed, speeches given and scholarly papers delivered were internalized misogyny, intersectional feminism and gentriification- all the key words that get the SJW slathering. But one presentation stands out from University of Vermont professor Nicolas Fabian-Oullet (originally from Quebec). In it, her argues that poutine- that invention of french fries smothered in cheese curds and brown gravy- is a form of cultural appropriation since it is the Canadian national food and perfect food for a hangover.
This is surprising since poutine was invented (?) in Quebec. Apparently the good professor is under the impression that Quebec is somehow not part of Canada despite their prime minister being Trudeau, despite those in Quebec having their passports saying “Canadian” on it and despite the fact the maple leaf flag flies over the province. Granted, the residents of Quebec consider themselves somehow better than those English-speaking provinces. But, history shows that Quebec has been a part of Canada for many years now. In fact, it was part of Canada before poutine was discovered.
One thinks Messier Fabian-Oullet needs a geography course before he spouts this nonsense. I’ll make it clear: Quebec is a province in Canada!
LENA DUNHAM ENDORSES A CANDIDATE FOR NEW JERSEY GOVERNOR THUS KILLING HIS CHANCES
Lena Dunham, a walrus wearing a human camouflage suit, recently endorsed Democrat Jim Johnson for Governor in the upcoming primary thus dooming his political chances- not that he had much of a chance before Dunham posted her mug in bed clutching a teddy bear. Just that scene should send one running for the toilet.
Of course, Dunham endorsed Hillary in 2016 and a string of other liberal candidates in other races. In fact, between her and Amy Schumer, they may be more responsible than a Comey investigation, Russia and Pepe the frog put together for Hillary’s loss.
Remember the infamous depiction of Christ in a jar of urine? Well, it is coming back to be displayed at an art museum in Houston. The “artist,” Andres Serrano first received his 15 minutes of fame in the 1987 where it quickly created a firestorm. Apparently, that is the attempt again since, according to some art experts, it will have greater effect in Trump’s America. Said one such person, it could “prove potent against the backdrop of Trump’s America and his pledge to abolish the National Endowment for the Arts.”
Proving Goodwin’s Law, these same art experts draw an analogy between “Trump’s America” and Nazi Germany. Of course, nothing says “art” more than a crucifix in a jar of piss. Why taxpayers have to subsidize art has never fully been explained either. The fact is that it a cheap attempt to be edgy.
Perhaps, Serrano can do a self-portrait and immerse it in his own urine. Even edgier would be a sculpture of himself. And I have the perfect medium for a crappy artist.
IT’S OFFICIAL. FEMINISM MAKES YOU NOT ONLY UGLY, BUT FAT
Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan, Oprah Winfrey, Hillary Clinton, Amanda Marcotte, Lena Dunham: they all have faces that could stop a clock and send wild animals running for shelter. As stated earlier, feminists and good looks do not necessarily go together. But now comes news from British feminist Rosie Boycott (not sure if that is her given name) that feminism has caused obesity in women.
Apparently, all the liberation from the stay-at-home model of women allowed women greater freedom to not eat a well-balanced home-cooked meal. As they liberated themselves from the tyranny of the kitchen, they turned to fatty fast foods and then came the inevitable obesity. Hence, we now know WHY Lena Dunham looks like a beached walrus. Nothing explains Marcotte’s face.