Tales of the Absurd From the Trenches of the Culture War

As an ongoing service to readers, I present another edition of the truly absurd, bizarre and ridiculous happenings in the never-ending culture wars.  This is the past week’s contribution… the seven best stories.

The Heavy Hand of the Harvard Administration

Harvard University previously announced they would not support single gender organizations- things like fraternities and sororities.  Sororities were given five years to comply, but not fraternities which, to this writer, seems like reverse sexism.  How does Harvard enforce this rule?  Well, members of organizations that don’t comply will no longer be eligible for participation in other clubs or sports, nor will they endorse them for prestigious fellowships like the Rhodes Scholar program.  Alpha Epsilon Pi is the first fraternity to announce that they would comply with the new guidelines starting with the 2017 Fall Semester.  Other fraternities have made no announcements and, of course, the sororities have that five year period to comply.

Because Nothing Says Tradition Like Changing It

Sticking with Harvard, there is another controversy brewing on the campus of the elite.  Seems that some have successfully lobbied to have the last line of the Harvard anthem, called “Fair Harvard,” changed because it is not “inclusive.”  Announcing that “it was time for a change,” a student competition is being held to determine a new final line to the song.  As currently written, the offending line in a song that highlights a commitment to finding truth is: “Till the stock of Puritans dies.”

You see… the phrase is not inclusive enough and suggests that only those of Puritan stock (a group found to be 100% White of European ancestry), can pursue and find “truth.”  This writer will follow up with a future entry once the more-inclusive final line is announced.  I’m sure the reader also is anxiously waiting.

Wouldn’t This Be Cultural Appropriation?

In an effort to remain relevant, Lindsay Lohan was recently photographed on the beaches of Thailand wearing a burkini- that strange invention that melds the western bikini with the Muslim burqa.  Ms. Lohan has recently been spotted with a green copy of the Koran and greets people on social media with a Muslim greeting.

With Latinas complaining about white women wearing hoop earrings and African-American women complaining about white women wearing cornrows for a hairstyle, where is the outrage from Muslim women condemning a very white woman like Lohan from wearing a burkini?

Australia Condones Child Fairy Tale Detectives

As part of Australia’s newly announced “Respectful Relationships” curriculum being introduced into schools, children will be asked to look for examples of sexism in common childhood fairy tales.  This was prompted by a study that found that: “Analyses of popular books have found that central characters are more likely to be male, female characters are more often in nurturing roles, and occupations are gender stereotyped.”  So… children will be asked what would happen if the female had the sword and had slayed the dragon that held the defenseless man?

The answer is simple: no self-respecting man would allow himself to be held captive by a dragon, nor would they allow the fairy princess to rescue him.  Also, the curriculum’s boosters have noted other themes in childhood fairy tales like the propensity to cast women as witches, or women constantly being saved by male characters.

In the End, the Bladder Will Always Win

The Barbican Centre in London is a prestigious theater that recently announced that their bathrooms would be gender neutral.  Instead of being labeled “Men” and “Women,” they are now labeled “Gender neutral with urinals” and “Gender neutral with cubicles.”  Now here is the problem with this.  Due to human anatomy, it seems that men- or those with a penis- can urinate equally well in a urinal or into a toilet in a cubicle.  The female anatomy, on the other hand, is uniquely discriminated against because it cannot successfully lead to urination in a urinal.  Thus, men have a decided advantage in urination.  To wit: you seldom see women urinating in the woods or in an alley.

But, the women are fighting back and arguing that wait times for using ANY bathroom (note again: they cannot use urinals) has increased since men are now using the cubicles in what used to be the women’s bathroom.  They are no doubt leaving seats up and missing their target also creating new, unforeseen problems.   But, the theater is holding firm to their commitment to “inclusion.”

Even Harry Potter Isn’t Safe These Days

Says one SJW on social media:  “Magic is not for white people. Leave that shit to brown + black women and stop f*%$ing up the cosmic balance with ur  fake witchy shenanigans.”  So not only is white privilege a major problem in society, but apparently in the world of witches, warlocks, voodoo priests and priestesses and whatever else is out there, and the practice of magic is another example of cultural appropriation.  That is, only people of color can practice “magic.”  But of course it is racist to say “black magic.”

One thinks that the pagans of Northern Europe who happen to be very white may have other thoughts.  Most modern practitioners of witchcraft- or Wiccans- derive their celebrations from these people- not Haiti, the Middle East, India, Africa or South America.

Then again…there are very few characters of color in the Harry Potter series….

Imagine the Look on the Customs Agent’s Face in Saudi Arabia

At the insistence of a gay rights group in Great Britain, the government is seriously considering allowing someone to use the “X” designation where it says “gender” on a passport.  According to the British government, 1% of the population is “gender incongruent” and this move would help assuage their hurt feelings at airports.

One can imagine one of these gender incongruent people flying into Riyadh, Saudi Arabia and flashing that passport at officials