It is the awards season- that time of year when the recording, film and television industries reward their own as the royalty of these outlets dress in thousand dollar dresses to highlight their more expensive jewelry on a red carpet. Along the way, we are treated yet again to more yawn-inducing lectures about the coming Trump apocalypse. So in the spirit of awards season, this writer brings you the Shameful Media Awards- those highlights from 2016 that were truly worthy of a cringe or a quizzical look.
THE HILLARY GOTV AWARD goes to Madonna who promised to perform oral sex on any audience member who would vote for Hillary which probably partly explains why Hillary lost the election.
THE “IS HE STILL ALIVE?” AWARD goes to Rob Reiner (a/k/a Meathead, a more appropriate moniker) for his in-depth electoral analysis which translates to there were 63 million racist voters.
THE “IS HE REALLY STILL ALIVE?” AWARD goes to Harry Belafonte for his equally in-depth electoral analysis which translated into there were 63 million racist voters. Perhaps he should stick to tallying bananas.
THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK AWARD- the recipient is alleged comedienne Samantha Bee who, in a single rant, called Ted Cruz: “Princeton’s unwanted fetus. Fish-faced horseshit salesman. The world’s only unlikeable Canadian…. Self-described human….Half-melted Reagan dummy. Unflushable toilet clog.” Funny how most of those adjectives could describe her, but then she isn’t from Canada.
THE CHRIS MATTHEWS HONORARY AWARD- given annually to- who else?- Chris Matthews who never fails to surprise or tingle. This year, he wins for his cat-calling about the way Melania Trump walks. Creepy…
THE MOST DANGEROUS MAN ALIVE (SERIOUSLY- DON’T F#$! WITH THIS DUDE) AWARD- goes to EPA administrator-designate and Oklahoma attorney general, Scott Pruitt. The reason? Joy Behar said he is singlehandedly responsible for 907 earthquakes in Oklahoma. Seriously…she said it and if Joy Behar said it, it has to be true.
THE MISPLACED ANGER ABOUT EATING AWARD- The Huffington Post for taking to task renowned chef Tyler Akin who, in an article of that radically political magazine- Bon Appetit– demonstrated how to eat pho. His crime? He’s white!
THE SHUT UP AND SING AWARD: Could have gone to anyone who sang at a Hillary rally although putting the words “sing” and “Bruce Springsteen” in the same sentence seems a stretch. I’d also excuse that black dude with the name that starts with “P”, wears that funky hat and looks vaguely extraterrestrial. Instead, the award goes to the cast of the Broadway hit Hamilton which, I must admit, has some catchy tunes and is a cool way to teach kids about one of our Founders. But then the cast of NYU Drama School rejects had to lecture Mike Pence about something as he walked out the door and followed that up with a plea to donate to Planned Parenthood in a subsequent performance. Word of advice: stick to singing and acting.
THE STILL TAKEN SERIOUSLY AWARD- Ezra Klein and his rationalization for everything Obama outlet Vox for actually stating that grenades can be launched from an AR-15 after the Orlando nightclub shooting.
BEST SELF-ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN- Buzzfeed. Simply genius.
THE ARE THESE HIS ORIGINAL THOUGHTS AWARD- to CNN something Fareed Zakaria who said this about the 2016 election:
“Republicans have fed the country ideas about decline, betrayal, and treason. They have encouraged the forces of anti-intellectualism, obstructionism, and populism. They have flirted with bigotry and racism. Trump merely chose to unashamedly embrace all of it — saying plainly what they were hinting at for years. In doing so, he hit the jackpot.”
Seriously…Google search Fareed Zakaria + plagiarism and you get over 32,000 hits!! He must share office space with Eric Michael Dyson and Van Jones. Advice: triple password protect your computer with this guy around.
MOST CRINGEWORTHY TWEET- Sorry, Trump fans and detractors- it’s not the Great Orange One. Instead, I have chosen the managing editor of that bastion of impartial journalism- The New Yorker– Silvia Killingsworth for tweeting this the day Scalia died: “Died in a ranch in Texas. God bless America.” By the way, he died ON a ranch, not IN a ranch. And she’s a journalism graduate?
MOST MISPLACED ANGER AWARD- to all those bloggers and tweeters who lamented the fact that the new Star Wars movie could have and should have had a gay couple, but didn’t. Seems that in a galaxy far, far away gay marriage has not caught on yet.
THE JOCKS SHOULD PLAY AND NOT TALK AWARD- San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick. Need I say more? NOTE: His performance this year illustrates he can’t even play, but there is probably a desk waiting at MSNBC for him.
MOST IRRELEVANT CARTOON- Doonesbury. Does anyone outside San Francisco and Seattle read this thing anymore?
WORST HOLLYWOOD PRODUCTION- By far, the all-female remake of Ghostbusters has to take the cake. In an effort to be politically correct, the effort fell woefully short. When the buzz about the movie involved a Twitter feud between Leslie Jones and Milos Yiannopoulos, you know the actual movie sucked. Personal note: Yiannopoulos has a point- Leslie Jones is sort of “mannish.”
MOST IRRELEVANT SINGER: Bono of U2 who has sadly sunk to the depths of relevancy where even a free copy of a U2 album for anyone with an Apple product induces fits of rage. How far he has fallen…
THE “I MANAGED TO PISS OFF BOTH SIDES” AWARD- to Lena Dunham who, on Instagram, confessed to never having an abortion, but wished she had one. If you’re looking quizzical right now, imagine the faces of the pro-choice crowd. She got it partly wrong. People wish she WAS an abortion.
WORST PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Has to go that star studded PSA asking electors to vote their conscience, i.e., not for Donald Trump. This is perhaps the lone PSA that actually had a reverse effect as Hillary Clinton lost more electoral votes at the end of the day than Donald Trump.
WORST PSA AIMED AT A YOUNG AUDIENCE: That nauseating, mixed race lecture of 2017 New Year’s resolutions for white guys produced by the misnamed MTV which rarely shows music anymore. One wonders after that rant whether sales of white sheets increased.
THE WORST MEDIA PRESENCE OF 2016: There were soooo many to choose from and Chris Matthews has his own category and Keith Olderman has been relegated to self-produced and little watched podcasts. The award has to go to (drum roll…) CNN correspondent Van Jones, the self-professed Communist and almost-Obama-green-energy-czar. This was his election night analysis of the Trump victory:
“It’s hard to be a parent, tonight, for a lot of us. You tell your kids, don’t be a bully. You tell your kids, don’t be a bigot….And then, you have this outcome….how do I explain this to my children?…This was a ‘white-lash.’ This was a ‘white-lash’ against a changing country. It was a ‘white-lash’ against a black president.”
Um…unless the color on my TV is askew, I could have sworn Hillary Clinton was an old white woman. Jones epitomizes the Left seeing a racial bogeyman behind every tree and every electoral outcome.
2017 promises to be a banner year with Cheetos Jesus in the White House. While some of the anti-Trump rhetoric may be deserved, rest assured over-the-top dialog and commentary will prevail and there will be an awards next year.