Why Hurricanes Are Sexist- A Little Humor to Lighten the Day

Hurricanes are sexist.  Its not because we name them after females.  The National Weather Service took care of that a long time ago when they started naming them after males also.  Some feminist, which is just a synonym for crackpot, whose name escapes me claims that the word “hurricane” sounds too much like “her-icane.”  Since it is female sounding, it must automatically be misogynistic.  It forces us to think of women as destructive storms when in fact “women are not disasters, destroying life and communities and leaving a lasting and devastating effect” suggesting that men destroy life and communities leaving a lasting and devastating effect.  But you a see, a true feminist would assert and argue their equal right to destroy life and communities and leave their lasting and devastating effects.

Instead, not being a true feminist, she resorts to changing the English language and purging it of words she finds misogynistic.  Which brings me to the game of Scrabble, or its modern counterpart, Words with Friends which I swear my wife’s play of the game on her cell phone is driving up the Verizon bill.  I once played the game (maybe a few times) and my former neighbor was killing me.  So, I did what any red-blooded American male would do and I cheated by looking up words on an on-line dictionary.  And there are actually websites dedicated to cheating on Scrabble.  You have to really love (1) the Internet, (2) America, (3) and capitalism.

So this got me to thinking.  What other words are misogynistic because of the “her” sound.  Just starting with the words that begin with those three fateful letters, there are many.  There are many words that derive from “herb,” not that herbs are necessarily bad or misogynistic.  Women love herbs because you cook with herbs (is that sexist?).  But, men have created herbicides which kill things and herbivores also kill things…like herbs.  So there is too much death now associated with herbs and we can all agree that death is something negative.  So, we should leave “herbs” alone, but change the negatives to “himicides.”

Another negative “her” word is “heresy” although I suspect feminists will leave this one alone since it sounds more like “hair-i-see.”  But, some derivatives are on the table, like “heretical.”  Here’s a good one: “hermaphrodite” and all its derivatives.  Why aren’t nature’s little bisexual creatures called “himaphrodites?”  And no likes hermits.  They hide in caves and are secretive, yet they too sound way to feminine.  Not to mention a hernia.  They hurt and require surgery, sometimes in a sensitive area.  The deft reader will find another word in that last sentence- read on.

Then there is heroin, admittedly a very bad drug that plagues the United States today.  Speaking of plagues, who wants a case of herpes?  Again, we can all agree that no one wants herpes of any kind.  But most appalling is that bird with a big wing span and stupid long legs- the heron.

Since we are talking about the sound created by three letters (h-e-r),  hurricane has the sound if not the direct connotation (“her”) to femininity.  So negative words that begin with “hur” are, besides the aforementioned obviously misogynistic “hurricane,” the words “hurt” and all the derivatives.  We can also throw “hurdle(s)” in there because they suggest an obstacle or barrier.