One day, me and some friends decided to go to a local bar whose name shall remain a secret…mainly because it doesn’t exist any more. Anyway, its drawing card was that it had many vintage games like original Mario, Connect Four, Jenga, pool, pinball, Ms. PacMan, and others. The menu was special with only a few items. I indulged in the meatloaf cheeseburger which was basically just a cheeseburger in the shape of a slab of meatloaf, but it seemed it just tasted so much better. Or, perhaps it was the third of the specialty craft beers I imbibed that made it taste so good. Or, perhaps I was just that hungry.
The highlight of the night was a rousing game of Foosball- that soccer game that you control by twisting the little people on the field with these hand levers. It was an interesting match up with me and DB on one side representing the African-American and white in the group. On the other side was NC, a Muslim originally from Bangladesh and his girlfriend, LT- a Puerto Rican evangelical Christian. Yes- it is an interesting group. Needless to say, the Puerto Rican and Bengali defeated the black and white opponents. However, we did get our revenge when they were no match for us in air hockey…or bubble hockey. Fortunately for them, there was no basketball type game.
One of the reasons we wanted to check out this venue was that it was a “hipster bar” according to some people who had gone there previous to us. Wanting to fit in, we contemplated what appropriate hipster outfits we should wear. Unfortunately, there is no hipster guideline or book or website we could have consulted. Well, maybe there was, but it seemed like too much work. The choices were killing us. Do we wear sneakers or boots? Are jeans acceptable? Someone suggested a black turtleneck and beret until I reminded them that hipsters are not beatniks. Another suggested ripped jeans and flannel shirt until I reminded them that was “grunge” and the Kurt Cobain look was out. I was half wrong- seems hipsters do like their flannel. I did not know at the time, but a trip to the local mall- specifically to Zumiez- would have given the answers to our existential question.
Unfortunately, our sociological quest to check out and identify hipsters was a total disaster. Not because there were not hipsters there, but because we were so enthralled in a killer game of Jenga while the girls played pool and later a game of Connect Four that I managed to win by hiding some of my opponent’s disks. Hence, there could have been hipsters there, but we got sidetracked.
So, I looked up the definition of “hipster” on the Urban Dictionary website. This is what I found:
Hipsters are a subculture of men and women typically in their 20’s and 30’s that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter. Hipsters reject the culturally-ignorant attitudes of mainstream consumers, and are often be seen wearing vintage and thrift store inspired fashions, tight-fitting jeans, old-school sneakers, and sometimes thick rimmed glasses. Both hipster men and women sport similar androgynous hair styles that include combinations of messy shag cuts and asymmetric side-swept bangs.
After reading this description twice or thrice, I realized it could be deciphered into a simple phrase: Pompous asses who patronize American Eagle or Hollister, that is- a subculture of millennials. But on the whole, certainly not dangerous people. I’d rather party alongside a hipster at a bar rather than your average #Blacklivesmatter adherent, or neo-Nazi skinhead.
Which brings me to the subject of man-buns. If men are going to grow their hair long, it makes no sense that that they would then tie it in a bun. If that’s the case, then just head to Super Cuts. I hear they have some great deals and they send reminders via e-mail when you are due for another cut although they must have some hair growth conversion chart to help them in that determination…I think. But, I guess these buns are “hipster” because it is trendy by the looks of people who attend the local university where I sometimes go to people watch. Actually, I don’t people watch. I sometimes use their library services. But people do go to the library and sometimes I cannot help watching them.
There is one area where I agree with the hipsters and that is the “thrift store inspired fashions.” My wife finds some great deals there and it is a great source of ties. Sometimes I get six ties for the price of five, and regardless, it is always less than $10. Sometimes I wonder because I am wearing the neck tie of a dead person, but I solace myself in the fact I am carrying on the deceased’s legacy- that of wearing some ugly neck ties. Besides, patronizing thrift stores helps the less fortunate I am told.
But, I digress. What does all this have to do with a political website? The answer should be obvious. Being a hipster is a trend, or fad, much like being a beatnik or hippie or whatever else there was that existed in the past. One day the hipster will grow out of “hipsterism-” probably after being kicked out of their childhood bedroom- and be left with nothing but pictures of themselves in thick-rimmed glasses, sporting a man bun, and wearing the latest from Abercrombie and Fitch. Unfortunately, being the “intelligent” souls they are, their politically progressive decisions on who to vote for (if they vote) leads them to people like Bernie Sanders and policies like socialism and the political correctness that afflicts our colleges and our culture. Eventually, they realize that being “cool-” if only for a year- really ain’t so cool.