Diary

Hillary Clinton- the Ready-Made Candidate

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Despite the apparent populist grassroots support for Bernie Sanders, Hillary Clinton will be the Democratic opponent in 2016.  A lot can happen between now and election day.  Hell- the Republicans don’t even have a candidate yet.

A few months back, I had some fun with potential campaign commercials to be used against Hillary Clinton.  Since then, there has been more fodder and I have some more ideas.

The Endust commercial:  Commercial opens with a Hillary look-alike happily dusting her house to happy music (possibly something with a reggae beat).  She turns to the camera and says, “When I need to clean my Internet server with a cloth, I use Endust.”  Then she holds up the cloth to see e-mails on the cloth.  Then a voice over says: “Endust- official cleaning product of the Hillary Clinton campaign.”

The Lolita commercial: It opens with an airplane landing on a tarmac in some tropical location.  As the camera zooms in on the door, we see it is a Bill Clinton look-alike who emerges…smoking a cigar.  As the camera pans out, it reveals scores of young 18-22 year old girls cheering.  As the commercial ends, the screen says: “A Clinton White House intern recruitment event coming near you.”

The Nero commercial:  First 15 seconds show Rome burning as Emperor Nero is playing a harp.  Harp music continues as scene shifts to a flat screen television with coverage of the US compound in Benghazi burning.  As camera pans out, the camera reveals a pensive Hillary Clinton playing the harp in her living room.

The Voodoo Doll Commercial:  Starts with past clips of Clinton touting her bipartisanship in dealing with Republicans while in the Senate on a flat screen television.  As the camera pans out, we see her in her living room putting pins in a voodoo doll of the GOP candidate.  Voodoo dolls of Issa, Ryan and McConnell are on the floor with pins in them already.  Note: harp is in the background.

The Duck hunter commercial:  Commercial opens with a Hillary look-alike duck hunting as soundbites play from her 2008 run for President criticizing Obama over gun rights and touting the 2nd Amendment.  As a duck falls from the sky, the screen shifts to 2015 and Clinton making a speech on gun control.  Voice over says “Hillary Clinton- She needs your votes.  She wants your guns.”

The School Choice commercial: Opens with a little Spanish girl complaining about going to school because she never learns anything.  Her mother explains, “President Hillary Clinton explained this already, dear.  You don’t get a choice where you go to school.”  Cut to scene of minority kids walking to school as a limo with white kids who look suspiciously like Chelsea Clinton drive by.

The ISIS commercial:  As Clinton’s assertion that “we now finally are where we need to be” regarding ISIS plays in the background over and over, scenes of ISIL atrocities, Paris and San Bernardino play on the screen.

The Middle Class/Abuela commercial: Commercial shows still shots of Clinton homes/estates and their values and locations interspersed with photos of Clinton speaking engagements and the fees she charged.  At end, screen goes black and voice says: “Hillary Clinton- she’s as middle class as much as she is your abuela.” Note: Voice has a Spanish accent.  Added bonus- knocks out two birds with one stone.

The Chipotle commercial:  Footage of reporters chasing after Hillary Clinton and pictures of her incognito in Chipotle restaurant.  A voice that sounds like Hillary comes on and says: “When I want to avoid reporters and their questions, I don my best sunglasses and head to the nearest Mexican chain restaurant.”

The Feminist commercial:  Show footage of Clinton making speeches about women’s rights (note: use them out of context).  As screen goes black, a voice says: “Vote for Hillary because she has a vagina.”  {OK- this one went over the line…}