Diary

American Political Dynasties: A (Somewhat) Humorous Look

For a country that broke free of the British Empire ruled over by despotic kings and queens based on ancestry, we sure do love political dynasties in this country.  Follow me on this mythical political trek into the future.

In 2016, in an election where the people were asked to decide between the lesser of two evils, Hillary Clinton narrowly defeats former Florida Governor Jeb Bush.  Like 2000, the race came down to the fate of Florida’s electoral votes.  The final tally is very close and Jeb summons forth James Baker to help with his legal case in Tallahassee.  But, Baker has no stomach for a fight telling Jeb: “Dude, if you can’t outright win in the state you were the Governor of, you don’t have a right to those electoral votes.”  Reluctantly, Jeb sulks away to plot his future- he shall not be denied.

So, horror of horrors, Hillary Clinton moves into the White House.  She, of course, has been running for President for a quarter of a century, and she finally achieved the prize.  She is also a former First Lady which means that former President Bill Clinton gets to sleep in the White House again and “smoke” cigars.  Hillary is a complete disaster as a President in all aspects.  She pulls an Obama and blames an obstructionist Republican Congress for her failures and demonizes the Koch brothers.  Facing reelection in 2020, she faces opposition within her party fearing a loss of the White House.  That forces [mc_name name=’Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA)’ chamber=’senate’ mcid=’W000817′ ] into the picture as she challenges Hillary for her party’s nomination.

Declaring she is no Eugene McCarthy, she leads a smart campaign against Hillary in the primaries.  Her standing with the party’s left wing is solidified when she names Bernie Sanders, now wheelchair bound and drooling, as her running mate.  Hillary’s fate is doomed when she plays the handicapped card and suggests that Warren chose Sanders in order to win the vote of the “handicapable.”  Bill is nowhere to be found; he has set up shop for the Clinton Foundation in Belize and has hired several female interns and several boxes of imported Cuban cigars.

Seeing an opportunity, Jeb Bush seeks and receives his party’s nomination for a rematch.  This time, he leaves nothing to chance and wages a great campaign against Warren since the Democrats, in a surprising move, nominate Warren instead of Clinton in an ugly convention held in Little Rock.  It is a fierce campaign, but in the end the Warren-Sanders team wins only the New England states…and Minnesota.  Jeb becomes President.

Meanwhile in Hawaii, Barack Obama establishes the Obama Foundation- dedicated to screwing America and the world even more.  Michelle Obama runs for the US Senate in Hawaii and defeats her opponent.  Barack, drawn to the personal golf course designed for him on his now expansive Hawaiian estate, remains in Hawaii.  Michelle does not really do much as a Senator, but seeing an opportunity, decides to run for President in the open 2028 race.

The Democratic Party- eager in their effort to be the party of “firsts-” quickly nominates Michelle Obama to be the first black female president.  After all, they already had the first black and the first female presidents.  Of course, the GOP also had a first- the only family to have had three presidents surpassing the Adams and Roosevelts.  Strangely, the Republicans nominate Donald Trump, but the scowl and squirrel on his head turn voters off and Michelle Obama becomes President.  Barack reluctantly returns to DC and Michelle appoints him her special adviser on the Middle East.

Things have changed since Barack left office.  There no longer is a Syria or Iraq.  They are now known as the Islamic State.  Barack is secretly dispatched to Baghdad where he reports back that “these ISIS guys aren’t so bad.”  Michelle quickly recognizes the new state.  By now, Iran has developed a nuclear weapon and Israel is helping Saudi Arabia develop their own.

The election of 2032 is a barn burner.  Michelle Obama easily wins the nomination for the Democrats but since Vice President Sanders passed away, she chooses Kamala Harris as her running mate to create the first all female, all black ticket for a major party.  The Republican ticket is doomed from the start especially since Michelle Obama has granted amnesty to over 9 million illegal immigrants.  The Hispanic population of the United States now exceeds that of Colombia, Ecuador and Mexico combined.

After eight more years of an Obama as President, the country is ready to move on.  Or are they?  Early in her first administration, people questioned why Jenna Bush would leave her cushy reporting job to run for a House seat in Connecticut.  She surprisingly won that contest in deep blue Connecticut.  Considered a champion of tax reform in the House, she parlays that into a 2036 presidential run and surprisingly wins since the Democratic field now consists of basically [mc_name name=’Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)’ chamber=’senate’ mcid=’G000359′ ] who has switched parties.

In a huge Election Day surprise, Jenna Bush becomes the fourth member of the Bush family to become President of the United States and leader of the “not-so-free-now-world.”  She easily wins a second term in what many have now described as the “Second Era of Good Feelings.”  Her opponent is Chelsea Clinton, now head of the highly corrupt Clinton Foundation.  Her utter humiliation at the hands of Jenna Bush effectively ends her political aspirations.

It is now 2044 and there is an open presidential race.  There are no more members of the Bush family in the pipeline, so the GOP nominates [mc_name name=’Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)’ chamber=’senate’ mcid=’M000303′ ], now 108 years old, in an effort to break the age ceiling.  Not to be outdone, the Democrats nominate Malia Obama who is the junior Senator from Vermont having settled there after a successful teaching career of African-American Transgender Studies at Bennington College.  Alas- the country is not ready for a 108-year-old President, so Malia wins the White House in a cake walk.

After eight years, it is now 2052 and there are no more Clintons, Bushes or Obamas to run for President.  Well, Natasha Obama was considered until scandal broke out regarding her party days at Oberlin College.  But was it really the end?  Remember when Bill went away to Belize?  Seems he was not so careful after all and had a Colombian love child who immigrated to the United States illegally, but was granted amnesty under President Michelle Obama’s plan.  Revealing her true father, Consuela Huertas de Diego, now a Senator from New Mexico, announces that she is adding the Clinton moniker to the end of her name and announces her bid for the White House.

The end?