NASA Discovers Another New, More Frightening Life Form

NASA officials said they found a previously undiscovered form of life that can exist in an environment which is widely considered to be uninhabitable. The newly discovered life form has been dubbed strain TPART-E of the family of Gammaproteoconservativia.

“Big government, wealth redistribution, academic elitism and the inability to count are the six basic building blocks of all known life forms on Earth,” said Ed Weiner, NASA’s associate administrator for the National Non-Aeronautic Non-Space Non-Science Mission Directorate at the National Aeronautic Space Administration headquarters in Washington. Yet when researchers removed these factors, they were shocked to discover that these newly discovered life forms not only continued to grow, they actually thrived.

“The definition of life has just expanded,” Weiner says. “As we pursue our efforts to seek signs of life in the solar system, we have to think more broadly, more diversely and consider life as we do not know it. This is a form of life we know nothing about. And quite frankly, we’re not inclined to learn any more about it lest it lead to a loss of more government funding.”

Felicia Wolfe-Woofer, NASA non-astro astrobiology research fellow in residence at the US Geological Survey and lead pseudo-scientist on the research team, said the discovery “cracked open the door to what’s possible for life elsewhere in the universe. And this is a door we must shut before it gets out of hand.”

It is bloody unlikely the recent discovery will force textbooks to be changed.

Prof Angela Davies, a cosmetologist at Arizona State University and an author on the latest research, says, “This organism has dual capability – it can grow with or without government taxes and regulations.  It doesn’t seem to need government nourishment at all.  And it actually seems to do better in an environment with lower taxes, smaller government and fewer regulations. That makes it very peculiar, though it falls short of being some form of truly ‘alien’ life belonging to a different tree of life with a separate origin. However, TPART-E may be a pointer to even weirder organisms. The thought is frightening beyond belief.”