Federally Mandated Literacy Tests to Buy Newspapers, Religion Classes to Attend Churches, Others

Democrats might be right. It’s obvious that Americans have become a stupid people. Our schools have disgorged students who have fallen to the bottom of the barrel in literacy, math and science scores, late-night comedians have no lack for citizens on the street that have no cue about law or history, and as voters…. well, as voters we’ve been stupid enough to elect people like James Traficant, John Edwards, Robert “KKK” Byrd, “Benedict” Arlen Specter, Pete Stark, or for that matter Jimmy Carter and Barack Hussein Obama. We need help and what better entity than government to rescue us? So, we need some new rules so that Americans can be better controlled.

I’ve gotten this great idea from Richard “King” Daley, Mayor of Chicago, who has decided with his newest stab at gun control that we need to institute mandated firearm training classes for every Chicago gun owner as well as costly yearly licensing fees. This is a brilliant idea. So much so that I think we can expand on this idea in order to have a better, more orderly society.

Plainly Daley and his Democrat cohorts need to implement these “training” mandates on a wider basis. Not only will we have a better trained citizenry, but we’ll have billions of dollars flowing into the treasury from the high fees that such classes must invariably entail. And jobs? Why, think of how many jobs will be created by these new policies. We’ll need millions of low-level, perfunctory clerks, classroom instructors, and paper pushers to get this all off the ground. And what could be better than more education and more money in the form of hidden taxes going to fill the pockets of government officials?

So, since we have already decided that citizens observing their Constitutional rights will be forced to pay expensive fees and take costly classes to own a gun, we need to look elsewhere to see where this idea can work as well as it does for the Second Amendment.

How about the First Amendment?

Sensible new media control laws would mandate that newspapermen must take literacy and writing classes in order to work at a newspaper. Not only that, but newspaper buyers should be held to one paper a month. After all, the ideas in those papers are very, very dangerous and being exposed to too many ideas is not good for the safety and comfort of government officials.

As to religion, heck what other “idea” has been as dangerous as that? Therefore, we need government classes to train anyone that wants to go to church. We also need to thoroughly license ministers and pastors. These people need to be answerable fully to the government for their every thought, their every uttered word. After all, religion can be very dangerous, right? The government has a vested interest in making sure that religion control makes things safe for police and firemen when they go into homes of churchgoers.

And protest marches have been well known to be a hotbed of subversive activity. It is obvious that anyone that should ever want to attend a protest of any kind must take government classes to train them how to best observe their God-given rights to offer redress to government. And those that organize protests need to be licensed, too. Also, no organizer should be allowed to live in any sizable city. It’s for your safety, you know?

Now, I know that voting isn’t necessarily a right. But we do need more controls on it. So no one should be allowed to vote unless they get a license, and attend voting literacy classes every year to better train them for the ballot box. I can’t see this being too expensive. Maybe classes for $100 a session and a voting license costing $50 each general election. It’s not that bad, really.

Congressional Democrats have had a wonderful knack of naming new laws in an Orwellian fashion of late. We have the “Employee Free Choice Act” that squelches free choice, or the “DISCLOSE Act” that doesn’t require as much disclosure for some folks as it does others. We even had the “Freedom of Choice Act” that excluded the choice of living for a baby. Well we can call this new idea the “BEST Act.” That would be the “Bill for Enforcing Societal Training Act.” It’s what’s BEST for us all, ya know?

Mayor Richard “King” Daley and the Democrat Party are geniuses. My hat is off to them, it really is.