Lego™ Legislation


Madam Speaker has unveiled the latest iteration of Health Care Make-Over legislation. The slightly-creepy Alchemist of San Francisco, along with her apprentices, spent days cloistered in her dungeon behind closed doors carefully blending various ingredients, all from earlier versions of various legislative concoctions. The problem with this esoteric approach, however, is that all these ingredients—herbs, metals, humors, elemental substances—are all poisonous. Blend, stir, heat, distill, siphon, and infuse all you want— you’re never going to spin gold, even if you try to burn off the dross of deficit spending. Far from achieving the Philosopher’s Stone, this arcane enterprise will only end up yielding an unknown inscrutable substance that turns out to be deadly.


These so-called lawmakers remind me of a bunch of snot-nosed, giggly, unruly pre-schoolers playing with a jumbo Lego set. They keep fumbling and flailing the pieces as they test one component after another in a frenetic trial-and-error effort to force-fit everything together. Some of the other kids offer to help, suggesting some new approach. But the little Lego legionnaires just bluster and stop up their ears. (They should really learn to play nice and share.) Eventually, they somehow manage to construct some gangly, weird oddity. But the thing is ugly and unwieldy, lacking elegance and functionality. They keep trying—bless their pointed little heads—adding a piece here, substituting a piece there. But each time, the end result is bigger, uglier and more monstrous than before. By comparison, Doctor Frankenstein’s fabled creature looks like George Clooney gracing the cover of GQ. The teacher really needs to step in and take away their toys.


In other words, these little Demo-brats really need to scrap all these self-indulgent legislative perversions and just start over from scratch—hopefully this time with a little help from their Republican classmates who are a lot smarter.