Christians worldwide, long concerned for Barry Obama, their wayward fellow pilgrim in the faith, are now rejoicing! Some have even gone so far as to kill the fatted calf to celebrate the prodigal’s return to the fold. For it turns out Brother Barry will finally be attending a church service this Saturday. In fact, Reverend Barack will actually be delivering the scheduled fiery sermon which, reportedly, will call down hellfire and brimstone upon the heads of unruly town hall mobsters. Along with the righteous Revered One, congregants attending Boston’s The First Church of St. Paul Wellstone will be celebrating the life, death, resurrection and recent assumption of one of their own, Saint Teddy, patron of imbibing, debauchery and extreme swimming. In the past these religious gatherings—normally quite rare for these materialists and secularists—have been known to get pretty rowdy “in the Spirit”. (Screw down the chandeliers and carpet the aisles.) In fact, under the unction and inspiration of O’s Oily Spirit, expect some of these liberal fundamentalists to start speaking in forked-tongues.