Diary

Ted Cruz, and the Orange-Scented Pledge...

It might have been Dick Dastardly. It might have been Tennessee Tuxedo– I can’t remember which.

But, there was a scene from one of those Saturday Morning cartoons of my inglorious youth where one of the protagonists was attempting to nail some boards or shingles onto his roof. No matter how he held the hammer, no matter how he held the nail, he kept hitting his thumb until it was blue and throbbing and the size of a water-balloon.

THAT is Reince Preibus, erstwhile Mr. Poindexter of Republican National Committee Fame. Last July he began soiling his grundies at the thought that Donald J. Trump would storm off the debate stage, and take his Pitchfork Brigades with him. So, sniffling and piddling in the corners as is his wont, he came up with…

THE PLEDGE!

The dreaded oath! The Unbreakable Contract! For Gawd’s Sake, Donald, come back, come back! using his best squeeky voice like Rose in Titanic trying to summon the life-boats. Donald, please! Sign our Pledge!

And Reince hammered his thumb for the umpteenth time. The Brain Trust over at the RNC (which, I suspect, meets in the broom closet) got Donald to pledge his support to whichever schlub wound up as the eventual Nominee, and got everyone else to sign on as well, from George Pitaki to Jim Gilmore. Yeah, yeah. Okay, Reince, here’s your Pledge. That’ll keep Donald on the Plantation. And ensure that Jeb crawled across the finish line.

Well, well, well. What a difference a few months makes, eh?

So, now there are a lot of panties all a-twist, wondering if Ted Cruz is going to come out, swear Fealty to the Great Orange King Don and his pledge.

(Brows raised, puffing out chest): Well, I should hope so!

If I were Ted (and I am not– I don’t have that kind of energy and optimism anymore), I would issue this Statement:

“Last July, I signed a pledge to support the eventual Republican nominee for President. I still honor that pledge.

“Sadly, the Republican Party hasn’t seen fit to nominate a candidate for the Office of President. Rather, it is choosing to nominate a member of the so-called Nationalist Populist Party in its’ stead. So, as soon as the Republican Party Nominates a Republican, I will gladly, and happily, lend my utmost support to that candidate.

As of now, however, the National Populists have nominated a man that endorses the following positions, which are in direct opposition to both the Republican Party platform in specific, and Republican ideals generally:

–Weakening laws that protect all of human life.

–Passing legislation to raise taxes on all Americans.

–Passing legislation to raise import taxes or tariffs.

–Commanding our Armed Forces to commit war crimes by dictate.

–Raising the Federal Minimum wage.

–Preparing an unknowable foreign policy that leans heavily toward isolationism.

–Abandoning long held military and political state alliances.

–Passing legislation to create a single-payer federally controlled  healthcare scheme.

Clearly, these are not Republican positions. They are, evidently, National Populist positions. I categorically reject these platform planks, and any candidate who supports them. Thus, because the Republican Party has not yet seen fit to nominate a Republican, I cannot yet fulfill my pledge of support. My full-fledged support will be forthcoming as soon as there is a Republican nominee, in both name and political philosophy.”

…So much now for the Orange Scented Pledge.