Who Can Seriously Doubt Barack Obama Loves America?

I will say it flat out.

Barack Obama Loves America. He loves it all.

Like the White House– He loves his taxpayer-subsidized government housing. He loves being able to host -without having to pay one cent out of his own pocket– everyone from Toni Braxton to Cyndi Lauper to Paul McCartney, and have them play songs for him, and fawn over him. He loves the free concerts by the A-Listers.

He LOVES America!

He loves his culinary staff (which, at last count was over three dozen chefs, line cooks, pastry cooks, dishwashers, sous chefs, bartenders, etc.). He loves that he can shove his laundry down the chute from the third floor, and it comes back laundered and pressed. He loves the basketball court out back, too. Oh: And he loves the Helicopter, waiting at his beck and call, all fueled up and ready to go…

Oh, and of course: President Obama loves the military men and women he has posted around his house who salute him like the Swiss Guard in Vatican City. He loves them so much he barely even notices their salutes anymore. They are now, evidently, just part of the furniture.

Speaking of which: Barack Obama LOVES the furniture. From the pieces which are rotated in and out of the White House from nearly ten different warehouses around DC, and are curated either by the Smithsonian, or the GSA– to the deep leather chairs at Burning Tree, to the Adirondack Chairs at his taxpayer-funded rental compound on Martha’s Vineyard, yes, Obama LOVES America. And he simply ADORES the furniture.

He loves the golf courses in America, too. Now standing at nearly 220 18- (or even 27 or 36-hole) rounds of golf, for which he’s not paid one dime out of his own pocket, Barack Obama clearly has a deep abiding love for America’s tee boxes, pot-bunkers, bent-grass, ball-washers, spike-cleaners and yard-markers.

Barack Obama loves America. Yes, indeed. He loves that big 747 all gussied up in it’s stately blue and steel-gray –actually, BOTH of them– with it’s hundreds of attendants, standing at the ready, from meteorologists and mechanics, to fueling attendants,  to it’s communications center, to the pilots and navigators. He loves that it’s all right there, waiting for him to snap his fingers, and fly him anywhere from Honolulu to Ferguson at a moments notice. He loves that he doesn’t even have to stand in an airport, or go through the humiliation of the TSA. Heck, he loves that he doesn’t even have to pack his own bag. His valet does it for him. What’s not to love about Barack’s America?

Oh: And he loves the vacations. Anytime, anywhere. He loves that he can go on one vacation –all taxpayer funded– and the missus can go on a separate one, hopefully on a different continent. He loves that he can tie up half of Edgartown so he can get an ice-cream cone– which, of course, is gratis for such a great man. He LOVES, LOVES, LOVES it!

He loves being able to send his daughters to the most exclusive private school in DC, while he’s insisting that other black families south and east of Capitol Hill send their kids to the violence-infested public schools. He loves that no one from those neighborhoods can get within three blocks of his front door, too.

He loves his three, $3-million dollar fleet of busses, too. He also loves that, when he goes from point “A” to point “B” in those busses, that an entire batallion of SUV’s and other White House Cars have to follow behind him. He especially loves that he doesn’t have to pull up to a single BP station and put so much as $1 worth of gas in an one of those vehicles.

He loves being able to sluice enormous sums of money to his friends and favorite causes. He loves being able to talk on the phone with anyone on the planet at any time he chooses, without having to pay for the call. Or the phone, for that matter. How can you seriously doubt that Barack Obama doesn’t love it all?

Of course, Obama loves certain places IN America. Like Hollywood. Barack LOVES Hollywood. He loves being treated like a star! He loves going on the late shows, and palling around with Ronan Farrow, and David Letterman and John Stewart. Who wouldn’t? He loves meeting with the ESPN guys, and going over his bracket picks, too.

Yes, Barack Obama loves it all.

He just hates YOU.