FLASH: Michele Bachmann Misses Every House Vote in September. BORING OLD NEWS: Barack Obama Hardly Cast Any Votes as US Senator...

By now, Americans have learned one immutable truth:

Conservative white men are either Stupid or Evil, or Stupid AND Evil. Exhibit “A”? Dan Quayle, Ronald Reagan, and Henry Hyde were just Stupid. Barry Goldwater, Samuel Alito and James Watt were Evil. Oliver North, Jesse Helms and George W. Bush were Evil AND Stupid.

Conservative Blacks, on the other hand, are Lazy AND Stupid AND Evil. For proofs, look at Alan Keyes, Clarance Thomas and Herman Cain.

Conservative Women, on the other hand, are Sluts, Evil, Stupid AND Lazy. Just look at Sarah Palin, and, of course, Michele Bachmann.

The latest screaming headlines from the venerable (or was it varicose?) Washington Post is “Michele Bachmann misses every House Votes in September”. Well, other than migraines and Ye Olde Change of Life, I can think of nothing that more disqualifies Mzzzz Bachmann than this scurrilous charge. Which means, it ought to disqualify Barack Obama, as well.

Of the 417 votes that occurred in the US Senate during Barack Obama’s 17-minute tenure there, he managed to vote, as far as I can tell, 181 times. A large percentage of these took place after it was clear that Hilary Clinton would not be able to wrest the nomination from the Illinois Senator. The rest of the time, the votes came in dribs and drabs, and many of them were cloture votes.

Another Immutable Truth? White Liberals are Either Smart or Good Looking, or Smart AND Good Looking. Exhibit “A”? Even though Bill Clinton is a disgraced, impeached, disbarred, blotchy-skinned butterball pervert, he’s Gorgeous AND a Rhodes Scholar.

I won’t even go into the truths about Black Liberals…