I never knew the Health Benefits of High Gas Prices until Barack Obama became President!

I’ve changed my mind. Barack Obama is the greatest man to ever become President.

I used to think President Obama was merely a hack Democrat Illinois backbench graft-peeler, one of the thousands of useless low-level politicians cranked out of the leftist Political Science university assembly-line. I used to think he was a middling personality of middling intellect, with no creative curiosity– save his smoldering rage at people wealthier and better connected than him, and how to get his piece of their stuff. I used to think his was an habituated personality that would go for whatever drug or worldview that would stop his delirium tremens for the nonce, and give meaning to a life he found meaningless.

But, as I say, I’ve come ’round: he’s the greatest President ever . Heck, he may be the greatest human ever.

Certainly, we can all agree that Barack Obama is the greatest man ever born in this hemisphere. Should this brilliant man cast us aside, and turn to more important pursuits such as discovering cold fusion, or unifying quantum mechanics, I am not sure how the republic would survive. I just pray he doesn’t, and continues to dazzle us with his, his, brilliance .

For example: It is genius –sheer genius — for him to dovetail his efforts to criminalize the use of gasoline at the same time his stunning, beautifully elegant wife Michelle is working so hard to get fat, ugly Americans to stop being fat and ugly.

I thought at first this was just some sort of political strip-tease. You know, watching as the prices of commodities such as oil "necessarily skyrocket", while at the same time denying the forces of market dislocation caused by his own policies are igniting the skyrocket. Rather like the man who cannot see how clean his car is because of the brilliant reflection of the sun upon it’s highly-lacquered finish, I now realize that the sheer and utter brilliance of this man caused me to not see the real reasons behind his seeming irrationality.

Barack Obama is such a kind-hearted, compassionate, Christian man that he is doing all of this for my health. I know because Ann Compton, the erstwhile and completely non-partisan reporter for the ABC Radio Network reported it thus: "At a time when more and more Americans are becoming obese, the high price of gasoline may help some of us leave the car keys at home, and ride their bikes to work."

As I say. Brilliance. Sheer, glittering brilliance. It’s all coming together now.

Barack Obama didn’t shove authoritarian iron-fisted centrally-planned government health-care down the throats of the American people because he is a reckless, out-of-control, narcissistic Marxist ideologue; No, this gentle, brilliant, Ghandi of a man did it so that we’d spend more time outdoors: Outdoors waiting in line for a CAT Scan. He did it so that we’d spend less time buying meals laden with empty calories at places like McDonalds, because we’d be spending more time at home at the kitchen table–; Even though the time at the kitchen table will be spent filling out reams and volumes of paperwork, we will still be at home at the kitchen table– where, as all the studies indicate, we should spend more time.

Barack Obama didn’t drive up the cost of food and clothes because he is an economic illiterate, who has spent his entire adult life slurping at the public trough, and has no idea how private enterprise creates a single job. No! He’s done this so that we can improve our sewing skills as we learn the twin arts of bringing in the waistlines of our pants, and also patching the holes in the knees. It is so smart , so beyond my ability to understand that, at first, I didn’t understand it, until ABC Radio finally took me by the hand, and showed me the light.

It all makes sense, once you go through the looking glass. I suggest you all try it.