Diary

The Left's Primary Energy Source Now Is Conspiracy Theories

A philosopher of my acquaintance once observed:

“If someone falsely accuses you of doing something, it’s a good bet they are doing it themselves.”

Those who have the misfortune to peruse the organs of Leftist opinion will find no shortage of op-eds descrying the crazy conspiracy theories of conservatives.

Among these conserva-theories are: “Hunter Biden was getting paid by Burisma in order to influence his dad’s political decisions”; and “The resistance to Justice Kavanaugh wasn’t spontaneous concern for his accuser, but rather a coordinated, behind-the-scenes campaign to make Kavanaugh radioactive and unconfirmable.”

Silly conservatives. Bunch of paranoid loons is what they are.

THE LEFT MAINSTREAMS CONSPIRACY THEORIZING

The barrage of gaslighting over the last three years supports my friend’s more polite formulation of “He that smelt it dealt it.” Most of us are painfully familiar with the more infamous examples of conspiracy theorizing on the Left. To wit:

Donald Trump is in collusion with Vlad Putin to overthrow democracy, and the lack of evidence shows the forces at work are more powerful and shadowy than we thought.

Donald Trump plans to start a war so that he can justify a third term, a la FDR.

And on the really fruity end of the spectrum:

Jews control the weather; their nation state secretly plans to exterminate Arabs; and the whole lot of them have hypnotized the world with Hebrew mind control.

These conspiracy –“theories” seem generous, more like “fever dreams”–spill forth not from basement bloggers in tinfoil hats but from supposedly nailed-down folk.

Politicians, mainstream journalists, and (formerly) respectable intellectuals juice these lemons day after day, in defiance of common sense, hard evidence, or even a compelling pattern. Their constituents drink this sour mixture, proclaim it ambrosia, and cry for a refill.

IMPLIED CONSPIRACIES LIKE “THE RICH”

But what about the less obvious examples of conspiracy theorizing among the Left commentariat? What about the categories they resort to daily, but that lose all meaning without an implied “conspiracy of” prefixed to them?

As Tim Black so perceptively points out, the opinion leaders on the Left rail incessantly against “The Rich.” But when they say “The Rich,” they don’t mean “The population with assets in excess of X million dollars.” Those would just be people who happened to be rich. They mean “THE CONSPIRACY OF The Rich”–bastards who connive to suck up all the goodies. Collusion is how they got rich, not a combination of luck, intelligence, and hard work.

“Eat The Rich” cheerleaders like Robert Reich, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and Elizabeth Warren talk like “The Rich” share a party line–complete with gold-plated Bat-phones–earnestly discussing as a group: “How can we keep the little guy down and murder the climate at the same time?”

IMPLIED CONSPIRACY OF “WHITE PEOPLE”

Another long-running “conspiracy of” category is “White People.” Activists, politicians, and opinionators reference “(the conspiracy of) White People” on topics ranging from police shootings to NFL owners who manifestly plotted to exclude Colin Kaepernick from his rightful place chucking a ball on the TV.

NFL owners can’t possibly have thought separately and individually that hiring Kaepernick–who damaged the entire league and who spouts Marxist, anti-white, anti-police garbage at every opportunity–might turn out to be a poor choice, leading to perennial headaches for any team stupid enough to toss him a jersey.

Yesterday, St. Louis Circuit Attorney Kim Gardner (one of George Soros’s social-justice wunderkinds) sued her own city and police union, accusing them of a racist conspiracy to push her out of office. Gardner–*a prosecutor*–has villainized her police partners. She has refused to prosecute egregious crimes such as child murder and drug trafficking; and she created an “exclusion list” of 28 police officers she wouldn’t let testify in court or, in effect, do their jobs.

So yeah. They must want her removed because she’s black. The only explanation is a racist conspiracy. And the implied conspiracies never stop coming.

THE CONSPIRACY POWER REACTOR OF THE OBVIOUS

Leftist conspiracy mongers credit conservatives and Republicans with borderline-magical abilities to leverage powerful forces for sinister plots and schemes. In so doing, they have turned their constituency into a hysteria feedback movement. Their sole source of energy now appears to be: “Nazis and robber barons in the bushes! Treasons and plots! Grab your Reynolds Wrap and prepare for resistance!”

Perhaps most odd from a conservative viewpoint is that many of the “conspiracies” Leftist opinion makers “uncover” are open, commonly held beliefs on the Right.

Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s nomination to the Supreme Court was styled as a sub-rosa attempt to overthrow the “settled law” of abortion. MSNBC-K-E-Y pundits warned that Kavanaugh was a bait-and-switch. Conservatives would surprise the Left with: “Ah ha! We cleverly hid our true belief that we don’t like abortion so we could get Kavanaugh confirmed. Now that we have what we want, we’re changing the law! Gotcha!”

Opinion makers on the Left don’t listen to conservatives. Then, stumbling upon conservatives’ openly expressed views, they mischaracterize those beliefs as hidden and secret motives.

PLOTTERS AND SCHEMERS, ALL OF THEM!

The devious plotter living in every conservative means that nothing they he or she says may be accepted at face value. Francis Wilkinson’s hilariously ignorant opinion piece in Bloomberg exemplifies the paranoia at work. Wilkinson’s title– “The True Aim of the Gun Sanctuary Movement“– implies that a “false aim” exists as cover for a darker, more nefarious agenda.

Wilkinson theorizes that Second Amendment advocates (or as he calls them the “guns-everywhere-for anybody movement”) don’t *really* believe in the Constitution; they just want to subvert the American majority–you know, the “majority” who want nothing but BB guns in private hands. Wilkinson writes:

America is a representative democracy. But the gun lobby and other parts of the conservative coalition are increasingly skeptical of that. Armed with an all-purpose Constitution that means whatever they want it to mean, they seek to block popular government action.

*Sigh*. Okay Francis, you got us. Conservatives really don’t believe in the wisdom of the Constitution, that bit of “legal finery.” We are conspiring in secret to give every felon, child, and psychiatric inmate an AR-15 and turn cities into dystopian slaughterhouses. Darn it. We almost snuck that one by, but Wilkinson was too smart for us.

A note to the Guns-Everywhere-for-Everybody Cabal:

We will not meet this Friday, because Wilkinson’s column has made us sad and angry. But next Friday, come with your best ideas to trick the Left into believing we support the constitutional right to self-, home, and community defense on its merits. We will meet in room 302, right next to the Evil Jewish Bankers Who Control Everything Society.