Diary

Don't Have a Life? Try Protesting Jesus Candy on Air Force Bases

William Shatner once told Trekkies in an SNL skit to “Get a life!” But Star Trek obsession pales in comparison to the latest from the Military Religious Freedom Foundation.

The momentous issue they have mobilized to resist? A store at Peterson AFB in Colorado Springs is selling candy with the word “Jesus” on it.

I don’t know what sort of adult named “Michael” chooses the first name “Mikey.” Maybe he lost a bet? Anyway, Mikey Weinstein of MRFF (pronounced “merf”) said:

Peterson Air Force Base, located deep in the intolerant, fundamentalist Christian enclave of Colorado Springs, Colorado, has consistently been one of the most horrendous military installation abusers of the Constitutional mandate to NOT establish Christianity (or any other faith or even ’non-faith’) as the de facto armed forces State Religion … MRFF has fought many battles throughout our long years of civil rights activism at PAFB against this wretched, fundamentalist Christian, religious extremist bigotry and prejudice.

That’s some really dramatic stuff. Either this guy is a meta-comedian giving us the business, a la Andy Kaufman; or he has a REALLY bad experience with a candy cane somewhere in his past. Either way, I sense some serious attention seeking at work.

Of course, it’s a good thing Mikey & Co. are watching out for us all. If this candy gets sold, our jet pilots will be swearing allegiance to the Pope before we know it. The Founders worried about Jesus candy. James Madison said so on his blog, right after he defended the right to pornography and abortion-on-demand.

How bored do you have to be to gin up this garbage year after year?

It’s not just this guy hating on candy. All sorts of activism conglomerates like the Freedom from Religion Foundation spend tons of time and treasure attempting to remove historical crosses from view and ensuring nobody gets any prayer on them at a high school football game.

In contrast, I volunteered with churchgoers in Ohio to deliver hot meals to 250 people in need on Christmas Day. It wasn’t much in the grand scheme of things, but those volunteers gave up their precious family time to make sure their less-fortunate neighbors felt remembered by their community.

I can only imagine what the anti-religion crusaders could accomplish if they put their minds to something like that. They clearly have passion. What a waste.

Instead, they seem intent on spending their time rewriting constitutional history, willfully misleading Americans about the First Amendment, faith, and religion. The Framers were nothing if not clear that they wanted to keep the state from controlling religion; not to keep all expressions of faith out of the state. Many saw Christian religious belief and morality as core to the American experiment. As John Adams said:

We have no Government armed with Power capable of contending with human Passions unbridled by morality and Religion. Avarice, Ambition, Revenge or Galantry would break the strongest Cords of our Constitution as a Whale goes through a Net. Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious People. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.

If Adams saw how we treat religion today, I suspect he might say: “… and you morons wonder why everything’s upside down …”