Summer, August 2009:
Washington’s graveyard runs silent as recess begins for the Beltway’s most detestable. For me it’s a matter of life and death, literally as I descend on the nearest town hall. I arrived to hear the fiery rage of the old, the middle aged, and the young, but mostly the old. And what of these old folks who so devoutly protest the Obama/Pelosi health care health insurance, medicaid medicare, car insurance, flood insurance, life insurance, 9th inning 10-2 game 1 out, Vlad Guerrero at the plate for some insurance runs reform, kind of like a reform but not so much, more like an overhaul, but kind of like reform type plan that no one has ever heard of, or read….Anyway, I went into the gymnasium slash cafeteria at Jeff Foxworthy High School in Git Er Dun, Oklahoma.
To my surprise I saw hundred upon hundreds of angry jack booters with swastikas on their forearms and white sheets draped across the floor like capes. The scene took me by surprise because I’ve never seen anything like it before. The snarling venom, the hate in their eyes as they protest a health care plan that would ice half the people in that gymnasium slash cafeteria. But even if that were true, why protest something that is going to kill you softly? It’s not like your life is worth anything I mean, better you die in peace than create chaos by exercising your constitutional right of free speech and expression.
Back to the town hall, so this town hall was pretty much hell on earth. So many old people ready to commit acts of violence unlike any we’ve ever seen since well, Vietnam War protests of the 1960s and the LA riots of the 1990s, but this was much more violent and destructive. “My god” I shouted in horror as Ms. Maybelle bit the man on stage with her new Fixident strength dentures. The Geritol cream flew as senior citizen after senior citizen pounced on the Congressman like cheetah on antelope. Those old people weren’t like ACORN but there were plenty of nuts dragging the floor.
The language was just as bad if not worse, I mean the racial slurs and anti-Obama rhetoric was absolutely horrific: “Whipper snapper this”, and “Sonny that”, I couldn’t take it and finally I yelled out, “Oh god make it stop!” I tried making my way toward the exit but a man stood in my way. “Outta my way gramps” I said to him in warning, but those suspenders looked like trouble so I backed down.
The chanting began, “No more government, no more government” “No more debt, no more debt” I thought to myself how can these people be so insensitive to 15 million illegal aliens covered under Obama’s health care, health insurance, or something like that reform or something like that?
After witnessing the horror of that town hall meeting I understand the fear and concern on the left. I mean all those old people in their raising cane, literally raising their canes in the air in protest of this glamorized version of euthanasia. The gall of those fogeys, some who served this country, what right do they have to protest government run health care? I call on the reasonable 45% of conservative Americans who don’t overwhelming oppose Obama’s health care plan but support his health care plan to reject this anarchy. These old people are filing into these town hall meetings, with their scooters and their walkers and they just go wild like the Japanese surrendered all over again.
I hate right wingers because they don’t know when to be silent and fall in line with 22% of the country. Those damn 45% and 35% of Americans who oppose this health care plan, they don’t believe in progress or change. Those old people can barely change their own diapers, so of course they’d be against the change we can believe in. So I will most certainly email the White House because I witnessed a whole bunch of fishy happenings going on at that town hall meeting at Jeff Foxworthy High in Git Er Dun, Oklahoma.
But in all seriousness the real issue isn’t the fact that yes conservatives are organized and mobilizing in protest of this health care plan, the real issue is the reaction by the White House and the Democrats. They say it’s manufactured, well aren’t all organized protests manufactured? The outrage certainly isn’t manufactured by the crowds are and that’s a good thing. But of course the party with a monopoly on protests and organizing gets upset when the party of well, more formal activism takes a page out of their playbook….no not Rules for Radicals.
Then they call it desperate and a sign of how the Republican Party is shrinking from the relevant political arena. Then again I must cite the 45% surge of self identified conservatives compared to only 22% of self identified liberals. America voted Obama in because Bush sucked, not because they wanted socialism. So when Dick “Tip” Durbin or Barbara “Senator Boxer if you’re nasty” Boxer talks about how the outrage on the right flies in the face of overwhelming support for Obama’s anti-fogey health care plan, that’s a flat out lie.
Despite the Soviet style call to his brownshirts to blab on their neighbors over any “fishy” information about his death care I mean health care plan, Obama is reeling and the crazy hick, Nazi, organized, change hating, racist, dream derailing, neanderthal, god fearing, country loving, right wing terrorists are winning, and that’s the real reason behind the manufactured concern coming from the left. They couldn’t believe in just seven months the so called dying conservative movement is on the brink of defeating socialized medicine. Never overreach Democrats or you will pay and dearly. But hey I’m sure when this is all over we can sit down and talk about it over a beer, what do you say? It’ll be a teachable moment for the president.