I have but two words for the Obama legacy thus far:
The perfect arrogance displayed in freaking out on the press for asking questions, in reminding those evil anti-change Republicans that you won the election, and in nominating unqualified and downright criminal people to positions in your administration just because you can is absolutely frightening. The naive and dangerous approach to foreign policy in ignoring the evil of terrorism is appalling. The downright hypocrisy between what is said and what is done has exceeded every one’s expectations.
Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the absolute insanity that would engulf Washington D.C. with the Royal Changeness at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. It’s hard to imagine someone could be worse that the malaise of the 1970s. In fact, Jimmy Carter must be rolling over in his peanut field!
That said, I sure have learned a lot from President Obama. As there will be a test in 2012, I thought I would compile a study guide as a public service.
In a mere two weeks, we have learned:
1. Barack likes it hot. You better not “keep your thermostat at 72 all the time” and “expect the world to say ‘okay'” but that does not apply when you are a politician-deity. You see, Mr. Obama refuses to don a suit jacket in the Oval Office (I believe the first president to ever disrespect the office in that manner) because he is allegedly from Hawaii (I say “allegedly” since we can’t seem to nail down that birth certificate that may or may not be stamped “Indonesia.”) You see, he is allowed to keep the office so hot that “you could grow orchids in there” because he hates the cold. That is according to Mr. Gibbs, AKA the worst White House Press Secretary ever (and that includes President Bush’s disastrous Scotty boy!) Oh, okay. Thanks for clearing that one up skippy. Watching this Gibbs clown interact with the media is like watching an awkward junior high boy trying to work up the courage to ask out the class hotty.
2. Obama’s pledge of not hiring lobbyists in his administration was apparently meant to be sarcastic. The White House continues to be filled to the brim with the slippery little suckers, but only because we are in a crisis and we need good people.
3. If you hang out with Obama too much you will begin to use “uh” as much as he does! While witnessing Hillary Clinton’s uh, swearing in, uh, ceremony, uh, I noticed, uh that she, uh, uses “uh” as much as her boss now. In fact in one two minute segment, she racked up a total of 45 “uhs!” I’m sure the world leaders will be quite taken with her plucky new verbal style.
4. Somebody needs to tell Joe Biden that paying taxes is now optional. This is surprising because it was patriotic to pay more taxes just a few months back. No less than three nominees have now had scandals involving failure to pay taxes. (See next point on taxes.)
5. Apparently failure to pay said taxes disqualifies you from administration positions such as Secretary of Health and Human Services but not the Secretary of the Treasury. There apparently is a greater threat that one who fails to pay taxes will not properly manage health care than screw up the IRS.
6. Sometimes experience is irrelevant to a job. We knew that when Obama became the nominee for President straight out of nursery school. Then he dazzled us with picking Leon Panetta for the CIA despite him having no experience in the field of intelligence at all. He also just nominated Republican Judas, I mean, Judd Gregg as the Secretary of Commerce. His qualifications? He voted a few years back to abolish the very department he is now going to run. Nice one, Barry. Do you even look at these people’s resumes at all? Of course, this is the party that refers to Teddy Kennedy as their conscience. (And really, who among us hasn’t had an affair with a woman, driven her off a bridge and left her to drown in the car and then waited 24 hours to even report it?) They also call Robert Byrd a civil rights pioneer (in his free time when he wasn’t busy serving as a Grand Wizard in the KKK.)
7. The Obama Messiah is not able to walk through windows. When unsure as to the difference between a door and a window, the President was unable to use his deity to simply walk through the window and avoid further embarrassment. Thankfully for him, the mainstream media would walk through fire to cover up for his shortcomings, so the incident wasn’t nearly the chart-topper that President Bush’s 2005 door confusion in China was.
8. Terrorists were meant to be free. Gitmo? Closed. War on Terror? Over. Dictators? Welcome in the White House at any time. Iran’s dictator has already told the world how weak we are for wanting to chat over tea and cookies. Apparently, reaching out with open arms in hopes that his “clenched fist” will open up so that we can skip hand-in-hand through flowery meadows together doesn’t convey an image of strength. I’m sure Obama’s appearance on an Arab television station and his promised speech in a Muslim city within his first 100 days will change that.
9. Socialism, despite failing everywhere else, will magically solve all of our problems here. The government is the only one that can save us. Also, a Government Stimulus Bill that contains money for the Smithsonian (something like 150 million) and studying Greenhouse Gases (400 million?) will jump-start the economy because nothing says job creation and economic boom like pork barrel spending projects! Bail, baby bail!
10. Nothing says compassion and charity to the world like paying for them to murder their unborn children! Sure there are AIDS epidemics and genocides running rampant. Why spend money on those when you can invest in killing infants. There is no higher calling in life. It’s so good to know that the American people are spending their hard earned money on killing the babies of the world.
These are just glimpses into the greatness that awaits us over the next four years. Save some room on Rushmore, this guy’s a keeper!