Diary

SC Evangelicals: Donald Trump is a Biblical Man!

Sisters and Brothers, oh I was slow to awaken, but I now testify before you that I have seen the  light–that beautiful, blinding, orange light!!!

You have an important task before you tomorrow; mine is to exhort you not to let anybody tell you that Donald Trump isn’t a Man of the Word. Because he is–and you know it in your gut, don’t you! But for all those LOSERS out there who say he isn’t, well here’s what you can tell THEM:

Donald Trump is ALL OVER the BIBLE.

I mean, it’s like his life story, all written out ahead of time. Check it out:

His goals and aspirations:

I will ascend to heaven;
above the stars of God
I will set my throne on high;
I will sit on the mount of assembly
in the far reaches of the north;
I will ascend above the heights of the clouds;
I will make myself like the Most High.
(Isaiah 14:13-14)

His accomplishments:

A rich man produced plentifully, and he thought to himself, ‘What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my crops?’ And he said, ‘I will do this: I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.”’ So is the one who lays up treasure for himself. (Luke 12:17-19,21)

His motivation for personal fulfillment:

acquire many wives, acquire excessive silver and gold (Deuteronomy 17:17)

The reason for his infectious confidence:

Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is hope for him. (Proverbs 26:12)
Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is hope for him. (Proverbs 29:20)

When he wasn’t dreaming about bones, Ezekiel prophesied about our favorite billionaire:

by your wisdom and your understanding
you have made wealth for yourself,
and have gathered gold and silver
into your treasuries;
by your great wisdom in your trade
you have increased your wealth
(28:3-4)

Moses saw his stupendous contribution to the business world:

let us deal shrewdly with them (Exodus 1:10)

Daniel heard his happy-song:

“Is not this GREAT, which I have built by my mighty power as a royal residence and for the glory of my majesty?” (4:30)

David and Paul teamed up to give him tips on how to treat his political opponents:

All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one.
Their throat is an open grave;
they use their tongues to deceive.
(Romans 3:12-13)

And some of his favorite things:

anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk (Colossians 3:8)

Now they’re all saying he’s nuts about building a wall. Well, let ’em talk to old John; he saw it with his own eyes:

It had a great, high wall, 12,000 stadia (Revelation 21:12,16)

You do know that 12,000 stadia is exactly the length of our southern border, right? Was he ordained to do this, or what?

Of course you know how grate he is on Eminent Domain? Wanna know where he got that?

devour widows’ houses (Luke 20:47)

Straight outta the Bible, and you know you gotta do what the Bible says–how you gonna argue against THAT?

Speaking of commands, his favorite is One John One versus Eight and Ten:

say we have no sin, say we have not sinned

I mean that’s so beautiful that John even REPEATS it, which is why our guy does it every chance he gets.

Time to smite all those career Philisticians, their dumb donors, and their stupid staffs!

Spread the word: Donald is a Biblical Man!

(Maybe even more than we are)