Election Advice from a Therapist

Up until a couple of weeks ago, I was feeling pretty good about McCain’s chances. He was doing pretty well in the important battleground states, Palinmania was still sweeping the nation, and Obama couldn’t seem to find his legendary voice. I was beginning to think that, perhaps, despite all the naysaying and the gloom-and-doom about Republicans’ chances this year, McCain is the guy who can pull it off.

And then the financial panic struck. Everybody’s attention shifted to the economy and the market. Democrats were cast in the role of the responsible saviors of the economy while Republicans were cast in the role of rigid, ideological nihilists. McCain tried to ride to the rescue but it was for naught. And now, not only is Obama doing well in the battleground states, according to Karl Rove’s most recent map, even if Obama lost all of the tossup states, he would still win! It began to appear that maybe the pundits were right – Democrats would run the table.

I started to get more and more depressed. I envisioned my liberal colleagues gloating for 4 years straight. I had nightmares of William Ayers as secretary of Homeland Security, and Al Sharpton in charge of the newly-created Department of Race Relations. Oh and let’s not forget the two new liberal Supreme Court justices that would be installed once Ginsburg and Stevens retire (on or about January 20).

So I decided to consult a therapist. His name is Jack Daniels.

It took several sessions before we finally reached a breakthrough. After about the seventh session, Jack gave me some good advice. He said:

“Son, what the Democrats offer is a seduction. They promise all sorts of goodies. They promise to solve your problems and make someone else pay for it. In essence, Democrats are like Don Juan: they promise four years of no-strings-attached pleasure. Republicans, on the other hand, offer sobriety. They don’t tell you that you can have anything you want. They don’t try to solve everybody’s problems because they know they can’t. Instead they offer a tried-and-true method to solve your own problems: work hard, play by the rules, live below your means, make wise choices, and you will get ahead. Republicans are like Mr. Reliable: he’s not sexy and he doesn’t drive a fast car, but he will be there for you when you need him.

“Sometimes people want to be seduced. This looks like one of those times. But seductions never last. You’ve got to have faith in the people that they will wake up the next morning and realize they want something more than just pleasure. They want someone who will respect them in the morning. Democrats can’t offer that, because all they can offer is just more goodies. And that is when Republicans will win again.”

And that was some good advice.