You Can’t Break Me, Spotify

(AP Photo/Patrick Semansky, File)

The music streaming platform has gone too far.

Unpopular opinion: I’m not huge on music. I usually prefer podcasts for their informative value, and, to me, they’re just more interesting. That being said, though, I do spin some tunes occasionally, and almost always when I’m working out. I’m a snob when it comes to the music I train to. I try to push myself hard, and the correct tunes can help me with that. Rap, rock, anything from the Rocky movies, or bouncy pop is usually what I go for; that, or a hard-core episode of the Jocko Podcast. All those things have a common thread, though, the music and podcast streaming service that brings them all together: Spotify. 

I’m so sick of Spotify. I hate the music platform with a deep, abiding passion. If I was Matt Walsh, in fact, I’d probably cancel Spotify at the end of every podcast. Why do I use it, then, you might ask? It’s because I get tired of songs really quickly, so I can’t just keep buying music—a music streaming service gives me the opportunity to constantly change my playlists, and experiment with new sounds. Spotify lets me do that for a price, which I’m perfectly fine with, we live in a capitalist society, and I’d expect nothing less! I must either pay for Spotify Premium, or listen to advertisements. BUT, the problem is Spotify LIES about their ad frequency, and this fact makes me absolutely despise the company.

How many times have you heard a cheery voice proclaim, “watch this short video to get 30 minutes of uninterrupted listening?” Probably a lot. Well, how many times have you actually checked to see if the company gives you that promised 30 minutes of listening? I have, I do all the time. And in my personal, anecdotal experience, Spotify almost never gives the promised 30 minutes to me! The large corporate company would rather make a quick buck forcing me to listen to another ad than have an ounce of integrity and keep their word (which they verbally promised to me less than half an hour ago). Spotify disgusts me by this obvious lack of caring when it comes to honesty and trust. The longer I’ve had the music application, and it’s been about one year, the more constant these interruptions have been. 

Obviously, Spotify wants me to start paying them money and go Premium, this would solve my frustration with the constant ads, but there’s a much larger issue at stake here: never, no matter the circumstances, cave to a bully. If I allowed myself to become so annoyed with Spotify that I shilled out my hard-earned money for a service that would take away the ads, then I would be letting them win. As any parent knows, when raising children, “feed the positive and starve the negative.” When absolutely necessary, even a good spanking or soap in the mouth might be required. This is the attitude I’m trying to follow with Spotify, and this is as close as I can get to a written spanking. So, let me close with a message meant directly for the music streaming platform:

You can’t break me, Spotify. I will not cave to your demands that I purchase Premium. This is a matter of principle, and I am not backing down. The U.S. Government does not negotiate with terrorists, with bullies, and neither do I. I am sick of the lies you repeatedly tell me, through your actions, and seemly without a hint of remorse. In addition to not handing out cash to your money-grabbing service, I will not buy any of the products or services you advertise. I will use your music service to help push my workouts, and the anger you give me will help me in this design. It’s not me, it’s you. Cut the lies and dishonesty out, and I might think about buying your service, and deleting this article.