I Was Assaulted by NYT's Frank Rich in a Violent, Racially Motivated Attack

Promoted by Bill S.

The timing of the event is a little vague, but I was engaged in a civil debate at a undisclosed location covered and recorded in detail by the media about the legislative atrocity known as HCR when Frank Rich of the New York Times physically assaulted me. Like a Jack Torrance induced nightmare came this maddened journalist bursting through the crowd hurling cruel racial and sexually perverted epithets like white trash teabagger, liberally spitting on me and others in the discussion, and just as he was about to stab me with his long knife of unknown length… he disappeared without a trace. I had not heeded the warnings of the press that these events can be as dangerous as a Klan meeting that could definitely, possibly culminate in people being dragged out into the streets and beaten to death. So I admit it’s partially my fault for knowingly placing myself in such a potentially well-documented violent environment as a discussion on HCR. There are some strange circumstances that attributed to my victimization however that need to be discussed so that others can avoid being attacked by this vile, violent racist and others of his ilk.

First of all, don’t be fooled by the liberal wolf in sheep’s clothing. It is they not conservatives that are the hateful ideologues so smug in the certainty of their convictions that they are willing to induce fear and violence to achieve their goals. Also be warned, as evidenced by the deluge of factually alleged reports, that many like Mr. Rich may have acquired a Predator technology cloaking device that allows the ability to attack in stealth mode. Because of this, he cannot be tracked by normal video equipment and so up to this point we’ve had to rely on rumors and statements of alleged activity. In addition, he also apparently also has some sort of jamming equipment that effectively blocks audio recordings. It was only because he was so covered by the mud he’s been slinging that I could almost-positively identify the vague silhouette as Frank Rich, the New Yellow Times commando of hate that definitely might have been my attacker. Thankfully, I was also accompanied by a group of witnesses anointed by the press as completely and utterly infallible due to their experience and skin color.

Despite his diabolical technology, this time I had him nailed dead to rights as a bigoted, violent, hate monger. However, even with the questionable statements of unassailable veracity from my colleagues and the experience of my verified alleged victimization I decided not to press charges because of my magnanimous nature (no arrest was made in the first place). Heed the fair warning though of this racial hatred and violence of historic proportions that is still very, very scary despite its unverifiable and alleged nature; it should be obvious to anyone that the actions of Frank Rich are proof positive that all journalists, every single one of them, are actively participating in this demagogic campaign of hate and violence comitted under the semblance of HCR support.

Fear these monsters of liberal journalism, or you might find yourself the sad victim of an alleged crime. BE VERY AFRAID!