Three Candidates the Media Will Never Take Seriously

Do you know how many Republicans have officially declared their candidacy for the presidency? There certainly can’t be more than ten, right? Well, you might be surprised to know that the current tally stands at a grand total of thirteen.

The problem with having such a well-populated field is that each one of these individuals insists on being considered a “serious candidate.” Unfortunately, there simply are not enough podiums at CNN to give all of them the coveted status. No doubt this is a deliberate attempt on the part of the main stream media to stifle quality candidates before they have a chance to undermine the regime.

In response to the shameful suppression, we at PolitiZoid pay special tribute to the unsung heroes of the GOP primary, the figures that will never be taken seriously no matter how hard they try. The haters on the left can try to discredit their qualifications, but we know that there is so much more to being president than mere credentials.

Here are three officially declared but surprisingly underrated Republican candidates that deserve your serious consideration:

1. Jimmy McMillan. This former candidate for New York governor has cleverly repurposed his trademark slogan to catch the ear of the Tea Party base. Forget the rent, this year it’s the taxes that are “too damn high!” As a side note, he also wins the award for the best groomed presidential hopeful.

2. Fred Karger. He is the first openly gay candidate to run for this country’s highest office and coincidentally is also a big fan of gay rights. Mr. Karger gets extra points for being the first Republican to officially enter the race all the way back in March 2010. The extra time has allowed him to amass just over 800 followers on Twitter.

3. Jonathan Sharkey. Credentials: professional wrestler. Signature move: sucking the blood from the opposition. Don’t hold this against him, but this fun-loving Floridian has also filed to run on the ticket of his own Vampires, Witches, and Pagan Party. While he made unsuccessful presidential bids in 2004 and 2008, the third time is always the charm.

Yes, these guys all have their quirks, but don’t let the media tell you who to take seriously!

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