Diary

OBAMA: REINCARNATION OF FDR?

In a move many believe is designed to attract undecided New Age and Spiritualist voters, the Obama campaign is rumored to be ready to release information proving that he is the living reincarnation of Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

According to sources close to the investigation that lead to this astounding news, Obama met with a number of members of the Roosevelt Family and was able to recount in precise detail any number of closely held family secrets. “I was astounded”, one unnamed member of the family supposedly said, “he described for us the hammer and sickle tattoo on Auntie Eleanor’s right buttocks!”

With the nation, perhaps, on the verge of the next Great Depression, news of Obama actually being FDR is expected to bring immediate hope to the majority of Americans who are not greedy laissez-faire capitalists or currently sitting judges on the U.S. Supreme Court. As this story broke in network newsrooms, cheers could be heard of “Happy Days Are Here Again!!”

One senior Obama strategist said, “This is just the news the people of America need to hear. Barack is really connected. After all, he spent the years from 1944 until 1961 up in heaven sitting at God’s right hand learning everything he needed to fix earth on his return.”

This same official was able to reveal that the current financial crisis was created by God to give Barack, er FDR, the opportunity to “stretch his wings” on what heavenly experts believe is an easy fix, even for a rookie. “Once he passes this initial test,” the official noted, “ending world hunger, bringing world peace and harmony, as well as lowering the earth’s temperature and dropping the ocean levels will be child’s play.”

The Obama campaign said it was also ready to release extraordinary information learned in heaven by Barack regarding the true identities of both Republican Presidential Candidate John McCain and his running mate, Governor Sarah Palin. Unofficial rumors indicate Barack will reveal that McCain is really Herbert Hoover and Palin is really Adolph Hitler. The Obama campaign would neither confirm nor deny these rumors.