Dateline Concord New Hampshire. In a heartwarming demonstration of solidarity with his supporters on climate change, Sen. Bernie Sanders announced at a rally today that he is refusing to legitimize “all those fake Republican and billionaire weather forecasts” by showing with personal examples that global warming made everything roasting hot.
On the day before the New Hampshire primary, Sanders will lead a massive “expose the fake-weathermen march” across the state where his followers will wear summer clothing or nothing at all. Chanting “it’s not my weather” and “not my winter clothing,” participants will not be allowed to wear any winter clothing in the march, because every Republican, billionaire and President Trump himself wears such heavy clothing during the winter.
“You want to look like Donald Trump and all his billionaire friends, wearing far too many clothes and pretending there’s still a winter?” the fiery presidential candidate shouted at the inspirational rally in the first primary state.
“Trump bundles up like an eskimo—uh, I mean an indigenous person, just to pretend global warming isn’t melting the planet and killing polar bears,” he told his followers, as they stripped down to jogging shorts for a practice run in the fresh snow. “Don’t believe the fake weather, they’re the tools of the Republicans and billionaires to fool you to think it’s not hot outside.”
“Millions of polar bears are literally being boiled alive every minute because they can’t shed their fur,” Sanders exclaimed to his crowd, “but you can expose this awful Trump lie by exposing your extremities and feeling how hot global warming really is!”
The crowd cheered but had their limits, for when Sanders announced he’d jog naked to really make his point, they roared back, “ewwwww!” “Alright, alright,” he responded while waving his arms wildly, “I’ll wear my Speedo with the Soviet flag, then.”
(Guaranteed not the Babylon Bee or Onion)
Art Harman is the President of the Coalition to Save Manned Space Exploration, a space advocacy organization supporting the return to the moon by 2024. He was the Legislative Director and foreign policy advisor for Rep. Stockman (R-Texas) in the 113th Congress, and is a veteran policy analyst and grass-roots political expert. His expertise includes foreign relations, border security/amnesty, national security, transportation, foreign broadcasting and NASA/space policy.
He has travelled the world and been behind the Iron Curtain during the Soviet era, witnessed the fall of the Berlin Wall, was arrested by the KGB, and stood in the footprints of those who sacrificed everything for freedom at Tiananmen Square.
Mr. Harman developed the strategy to kill the 2013 Senate “gang of eight” amnesty bill as violating the Constitution’s Origination Clause–and was dubbed “The Bill Killer” by Roll Call for his work. He provided policy advice to the Trump campaign, transition and the White House. He wrote what became the ‘bible’ for post-Brexit trade relations which was introduced in 2016 by Sen. Mike Lee as S. 3123, the United Kingdom Trade Continuity Act, and he advised the Trump administration to return Americans to the Moon by 2024–now official policy. Harman is a frequent guest expert on radio shows on key policy issues, an award-winning filmmaker, and an award-winning fine-arts photographer.