Disecting Ann: Spitting poison into the wind

Who is this vixen of the right? Ann Coulter is her name. People love to hate Ann Coulter and she loves to be hated.

4/13: This last week Ann wrote Ted Cruz: Tracy Flick With A D*ck

I’m assuming that she’s referring to Ted’s boat, stationed at his Dock. Obviously Tracy Flick doesn’t have one.

Ann starts:

Before we begin, can we stop referring to Wisconsin as “Midwestern nice”? That’s all we’ve heard since Ted Cruz beat Donald Trump there: Wisconsinites are just so nice, they couldn’t abide Trump’s rough style.

Does anyone remember the whole taking over the capitol thing? How they nearly recalled a sitting governor a few years ago? Remember the protesters fighting with cops, rounds of arrests in the rotunda, the drum circles and chanting? How about the midnight raids on citizens for supporting the “Wisconsin Budget Repair Bill”?

Wisconsin is a lot of things, but “nice” is not one of them. “Soviet” is more like it. It was always a bad state for Trump because there are virtually no immigrants in Wisconsin, and peevish Wisconsinites refused to believe the rest of the country about the cultural mores we’re bringing in. (Like slavery! NBC, San Diego, April 9, 2016: “Feds Rescue Trafficking Victim Locked in San Diego Home.”)

I’m sure that somebody on TV said this. It’s a wonderful public service for a NYC B*tch (That’s batch, as in cookies) to tell how rotten Midwesterners really are. Like so much of what Ann writes, she deftly hides a grain of truth in her snide remarks. Of course Wisconsin has fairly liberal urban centers. Anyone who’s been to Madison can attest to that. But they don’t vote in Republican primaries en mass, even in open states.

Trump’s Wall is a one trick pony. Cruz’s plan is more effectively able to deal with the real problems caused by immigration. He focuses on results rather than symbolic gestures that look a lot like Vicente Fox’s finger.

Wisconsin’s wit is as sharp as their cheddar. Trust me they rejected Trump on the merits, or lack of merit.

Another misconception sweeping the nation is that when state Republican parties disregard the voters and give all their delegates to Cruz, they are merely following THE RULES, and Trump is an idiot for not knowing THE RULES.

That’s what the Colorado GOP did, what the Tennessee and Louisiana parties are trying to do — and what many other states may do, all under the careful tutelage of Tracy Flick Cruz.

I keep asking someone to send me a copy of THE RULES that direct state parties to ignore the voters and pick their own slate of delegates, but no one can cite such a rule. So I read through “The Rules of the Republican Party” myself — and guess what? There’s no rule instructing state parties to ignore the voters!

So we are supposed to take her word for it! Ann says that she read the rules and Trump got screwed. Isn’t that convenient.

Hey Ann, did you read these rules?

Colorado by the Numbers: 37 Total Delegates, 13 AL, 21 CD and 3 RNC

Important Dates: Precinct Caucuses: 3/1, County Assemblies: 3/1-3/26, Congressional District Conventions: 3/29 – 4/8. State Convention: 4/9

Selection Method: at State Convention and at Congressional District Conventions.

Allocation Details:

At State Convention – No preference vote. Delegates are bound according to the preferred presidential candidate indicated on their intent to run form.

At Congressional District – No preference vote. Delegates are bound according to the preferred presidential candidate indicated on their intent to run form.

Those rules? Hmmm, maybe Ann needs to go back to law school to learn how to read?

To the contrary, the rules were recently rewritten so that delegate selection would “reflect the results of statewide presidential preference elections,” according to a statement by Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus. (The nerds will tell us, that’s “legislative history,” not THE RULES.)

Apparently, what people mean by THE RULES is that there is no RNC rule specifically prohibiting a state party from giving all the delegates to a single nominee, even if that is demonstrably at odds with the will of the voters.

Kinda like Florida, which has a winner take all primary that would “disenfranchise” up to 60% of voters, by your logic or lack there of.


The state parties are given a lot of discretion, so Cruz harasses and cajoles the local party until it awards all the state’s delegates to him. Trump keeps winning elections, and Cruz keeps winning sneaky procedural victories.

The most important word in this blather is “cajoles” not to be confused with cojones. So Ted Cruz doesn’t campaign for delegates who will be present at the RNC convention? Instead he twists their arms to gain their unwavering support. Maybe he holds their children ransom, Ann? I think you’ve been watching too much Game of Thrones… Ann is just hitting her stride:

Until Cruz won a primary in mean-as-a-snake Wisconsin, he hadn’t won a single primary — i.e., an “election” — outside of his home state, a sister state and a state where Trump didn’t campaign. In fact, until cantankerous Wisconsin, the only primary where Cruz managed to surpass 34 percent of the vote was his home state of Texas — where he got 43.8 percent.

Caucuses don’t count. And states like Texas and Oklahoma don’t count either.

(Contrary to lies you read in The New York Times, Trump has not complained about any of those races. And you know why? Because they were elections, not corrupt backroom maneuvering. Hey – does anyone know if the general election is won by influence-peddling with tiny groups of insiders or is it by winning elections?)

Trump is complaining so much I can’t keep track of which states have met his approval and which haven’t. Trump’s communication style is mainly sound bites I find incoherent. So I have a hard time keeping straight what he’s saying or doing. This must be part of his finely crafted strategy. To confuse intelligent people so much they will not be able to counter his panache and verve.

Really that’s what we want our nation’s most power office to come down to: a popularity contest. Elections that are pure mob rule would be Demonic. Or have you forgotten that Ann? Donald may think that he’s a stud, but he couldn’t win homecoming king at my high school – if that is your standard for a Presidential election Ann.

Ann then drops this logic-bomb (that goes off in her lap):

It’s as if Cruz and Trump are playing different sports: Trump keeps belting home runs, while Cruz is berating the umpire until he calls a balk, then prances to home base, telling everyone he hit a grand slam.

This game is a lot closer that Ann let’s on. It’s the 7th inning stretch and we’re all knotted at 5-4. Cruz is gaining ground on hits and base running. Trump’s gotten a couple over the fence, but he complains that he doesn’t get more than one run. Did I missing something or is he the one whining?

True, there’s no rule explicitly disallowing a state party from rigging the delegate selection. There’s also no rule explicitly disallowing a state party from giving all its delegates to Kim Kardashian.

By that logic, THE RULES also say that a majority of Supreme Court justices can discover a right to abortion, gay marriage or free unicorn rides in the Constitution. There’s nothing stopping them, because, as a procedural matter, they get the last word. Those are THE RULES. (And THE RULES “have been known” for centuries!)

This argument contains at least 4 fallacies (slippery slope, tu quoque, bandwagon, and black or white).

But that’s very different from saying, See, here it is in black and white: “the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

There’s no way to appeal a Supreme Court ruling, just as there’s no way to prohibit a state party from doing whatever it wants. But I wouldn’t go around boasting, “It’s THE RULES!” No, you found a procedural loophole.

Don’t you love it when “conservatives” claim “disenfranchisement” and “loopholes.” They sound a lot like liberals.

A blog post attacking Trump-supporter Larry Lindsey claimed it was Lindsey’s own damn fault that he wasn’t allowed to participate in the Colorado convention last weekend. Remember, this comes from a post defending what the state GOP did:

“Early on in the saga, Lindsey wrote, ‘This year, I decided that as important as this election is to the future of our nation, that I needed to be involved in the Colorado Caucus. I attended the Douglas County Assembly, and then the County Caucus and was elected as a delegate.’

“OK, hold up right there. Lindsey would have had to first attend a precinct caucus before a county assembly …”

Unfortunately you don’t get to be a delegate simply because you want to be. That would be like Ann Coulter showing up at the Ford Foundation board meeting and demanding to vote herself a grant.

AHA! We’ve got you, Larry! Please — get a life. Exactly how many assemblies and caucuses was Larry required to attend? Do you need to read more to know what a weaselly nerd Cruz is?

Ad hominem.

Cruz is Tracy Flick in “Election.” He believes he deserves to win, God chose him to win — and if he starts to lose, well, then he’ll cheat. Victory goes to the pushy.

Dear Lord Jesus, I do not often speak with you and ask for things, but now, I really must insist that you help me win the election tomorrow because I deserve it and Donald Trump doesn’t, as you well know.


Imagine what nightmare a Cruz presidency would be! This is now the second time Cruz has forced me to research something his supporters were lying about — the last time was on Cruz’s alleged eligibility to be president, despite being born in Canada. (He’s not a “natural born citizen,” but I enjoyed reading all those Supreme Court opinions!)

Thanks for the parting crap-apult launch. Always nice to read your nonsense Ann. Looking forward to your next book and skimpy dress.

Instead of fun stuff like building a wall, bringing manufacturing home and getting tired of winning so much, we’ll have to keep reading through centuries of British common law and RNC rulebooks until, out of exhaustion, we give in, and let Cruz run for student council president.