Me and my cool cat Mittens

My cool cat Mittens is quite a character. Some of my friends say he used to sound like a donkey. Others think he looks like a rhino. Now I know y’all will think I’m crazy, but Mittens actually talks to me: as far as he’s concerned, he’s always been nothing but a big fat elephant.

Oh, the stories Mittens and I have! One summer we drove to Mexico, and Mittens demanded that I tie him to the roof of the car for the trip. Needless to say, he made quite a mess up there; but each time we talked about it afterwards, he insisted that he thoroughly enjoyed himself, and jumped on the roof to prove it.

I first met Mittens in 2007, and before that he apparently grew up on a donkey farm. He always knew he was truly an elephant, of course; but back then he had to pretend to be a donkey, just like everyone else. I’ve seen pictures and boy, his ears did look quite long.

In 2008, Mittens took part in the National Elephant Conformation Show. He worked very hard, and made me support him, but that year the contest was won by a rhino.

He’s trying again this year, but I’ve had enough of his antics. Here you go, folks: I have one Mittens up for adoption. He looks sharp and moves smoothly. He’ll assume whatever shape you like, as long as you don’t mind the braying.