Beatdown in Aisle 5!

For every man, everything happens as if all mankind had its eyes fixed on him and were guiding itself by what he does. And every man ought to say to himself, “Am I really the kind of man who has the right to act in such a way that humanity might guide itself by my actions?”~Jean-Paul Sartre

I’m a big list person. I make them for everything–especially when I write. (Except for my previous post…that was more of a rant on society. Sorry.) So, when I sat down to write this post, I started with a list focused on things that I consider to be contributing factors to the downfall of the American people. Here’s what I came up with:

  1. Kim Gandy, president of NOW :Seriously? Here and now I make a solemn vow: If I am ever elected to office, I will limit my advisors to boring, white men–just to annoy this woman. Kim, a package containing a box of tissues, a Hershey bar, and a bottle of “No More Tears” shampoo is on its way to your doorstep. (At least ol’ Hillary is getting a nod. Maybe NOW will shut up for a while.)
  2. THESE PEOPLE :Because nothing says “defending our freedom” like segregating those who pledge allegiance to the United States of America.
  3. Hateful, rampaging extremists :Nope, not Islamic extremists. I’m talking about the gays and lesbians who found it appropriate to deface churches and call my Lord a homosexual.
  4. Lindsay Lohan (please go away!)
  5. The impending Nanny State

…it went on for a while. I don’t really know what I was going for, but it probably would have ended up being a snarky-yet-humorous post on people who, just by breathing in and out, manage to screw up sane peoples’ lives. Snarky and humorous indeed, until I turned on FOX News on Black Friday and discovered that someone had been literally trampled to death at a Long Island Walmart.

Staring in disbelief, I realized that it’s not the gays, or the feminists, or the celebrities that are flushing our country right down the toilet; their actions are representative of something entirely more sinister and frightening:

People, in general, are so very selfish.

Even as I write that, I feel the need to smack myself upside the head, because this thing goes so much deeper than selfishness. Selfishness is stealing your sorority sister’s top out of her closet, spilling vodka cranberry on it, and putting it back where you found it (I got your number, girlfriend.) Selfishness is cheating your server out of her tip when she’s been fetching your drinks for the past 6 hours. Selfishness is NOT being so concerned with snatching up a Wii that you trample some poor Walmart employee like a piece of garbage.

And THIS makes things even worse! When in doubt, consult the shrink. Apparently the murder of an innocent person by hundreds of stampeding idiots can be blamed on the fact that “we have no off buttons as a group.”


It gets better:

“There’s no central brain making these decisions. I suspect that there’s not anyone in that crowd who doesn’t feel horrible – as an individual – about what happened.”

In the spirit of the post, I have complied a list of situations where it is acceptable to “feel horrible”:1. Spilling booze all over your sister’s favorite top–as long as you get it cleaned for her. (Savages.)2. Running over an adorable bunny with your car.3. Slamming into someone on the sidewalk and spilling their coffee.4. Putting stock in the DailyKos.5. Accidentally smashing a puddle all over a pedestrian.

Notice that “stomping a minimum wage employee with my imitation-Louboutin stilettos (sad) so I can be the first to get to the Tickle Me Elmo dolls” is conspicuously absent from the list.

I don’t know what’s scarier here: the fact that someone actually died, or the fact that the Post felt the need to serve up a packaged, comfortable explanation to this tragedy. It was an explanation that ignored the obvious, and blamed everything on a combination of an overly-festive atmosphere and a failing economy. Our friend the shrink even had the gall to suggest that Walmart should have served an effing SNACK to the retards (yeah, I said “retards”) who chose to stand 12 hours in the freezing cold on the off chance that they might score RockBand for 40% off! Oh absolutely, hot cocoa and a damn COOKIE would have solved everything; more likely, the early morning snack bar would have led to crumb-related injuries, second-degree cocoa burns, and a class-action lawsuit.

“The sale, that’s what going on in their minds, strictly the sale. They’re not caring about who’s on their left or their right.”

Now we’ve finally gotten to the heart of the matter, and I’m going to go into it because I believe that writing for RedState is more than just preaching to the choir. This is for those of you who went shopping on Black Friday and threw elbows in Victoria’s Secret for a $5 pair of underwear that will most definitely fall apart its third time through the wash. It’s for the jerk that nearly t-boned my car at Walgreens this morning, all over a parking spot. It’s for the woman who almost ripped my mirror off coming on to the interstate. And most importantly, its for anyone who didn’t feel physically sick to their stomach when it was announced that someone had been killed at Walmart over a stupid sale.


If you think for one minute that Obama or Hillary or the new Congress or anyone else can make any difference in your life without a little effort on your part, you are absolutely, 100% kidding yourself. The problems in this country don’t have anything to do with George Bush or Microsoft or Britney Spears, but they do have everything to do with you. It is this ridiculous sense of entitlement, and the “me first” mentality, that will eventually destroy everything that makes this country an example for others to follow.

Humanity is not a commodity at your disposal.

We as Americans are touted as a wildly humane and compassionate group of individuals. Every day, we save the whales, the manatees, the starvin’ children (thanks, Bono), and we’re even working on saving Darfur. We REALLY like adopting Chinese baby girls, and even extend our dim-witted compassion to terrorist extremists because their prisons aren’t comfortable enough. So why is it that every time we look inside, we allow ourselves to package our own mayhem as something natural and completely rational? It is to be explained, then written off as collateral damage. We require cookies and cocoa to remain calm, and allow our abominable actions to be glossed over by a professional opinion.

I, for one, am going to fight this, and I don’t care how many people get in my face and call me an old-fashioned besom in the process. I will not allow myself to be carried away by a mob–especially one that stakes the value of a Nintendo over the value of a human life.