Untouchable G-MEN VS 21st Century Bootleggers...The Return Of Prohibition?

Picture, if you will, a movie playing on your TV…

We hear Banjos playing as the credits run

There are Sirens steadily drawing closer and we can see blue lights flashing in the distant tree tops backdropped by a star laden night sky. There is a full moon.

We see headlights speeding toward us and we watch as the headlights draw closer.

The car makes a sudden turn to the right throwing up a rooster tail of dirt as it fishtails onto an obscure dirt road…barely under control…but the turn is made thanks to the driver’s skillful manipulation of the gas pedal and the steering wheel.

As we watch, the lights go out on the car which suddenly turns into a swiftly moving shadow down an obscure dirt road and into the woods. We leave this scene as the unwitting Police, lights flashing and sirens blaring continue along the main highway and disappear into the bottom of the screen.

The sirens fade into the distance.

Cut to scene two:

Government agents; armed to the teeth, jaws and faces set with steely resolve; make their way through the woods.

It is fall and the leaves are gone from the trees. The ground is brown with dead leaves.

Try as they might to be quiet and stealthy the dry leaves crunch under their feet as they go.

We watch as they take up positions behind the trees along the edge of the woods. They watch as other agents across the field take up positions along the side of the barn.

They check their weapons and prepare to rush the final distance from the woods to the farm house in the middle of the well maintained yard about 20 yards away.

Cut to scene three:

More G-Men form a line on both sides of a door…The finest officers our Federal Government can bring to bear on an outlaw element…We now realize this must be a criminal enterprise of national scope.

We watch as they smash through this door. The camera pans to show agents pouring in from every door and window.

Our heroes make their way into a vast warehouse full of contraband and thugs hustling and bustling about as they go about the work required to corrupt our just society and innocent youth.

Surprised outlaws step back from cans and boxes filled with the contraband they were loading onto trucks just seconds before.

They lift their hands in the air as the determined G-Men push these vermin to the wall and proceed to handcuff them.

All the while other G-Men break off and go after the barrels and boxes of contraband…Axes in hand and at the ready.

We cut to a burley agent who approaches a can and pushes it over while a tall and lanky agent with an Axe held high begins his swing. The video cuts to a quick flash of the Axe head smashing into the top of the can which quickly spews it’s contents onto the concrete floor.

The camera pans back to reveal the thugs on their knees. Their hands cuffed behind their backs with agents standing over them, loaded shotguns at the ready.

There is total bedlam as more cans are overturned and other “Revenue Men” attack the now smashed And open boxes.

Agents are pulling bottles from the wreckage of wooden boxes which they begin smashing on the floor creating a sea of foam…a veritable tide of white, frothing foam that moves inexorably toward the bottom of the screen…


It isn’t just any old garden variety cans that are overturned and smashed! they are MILK CANS!!!

It isn’t long neck bottles filled with beer, corn liquor, Scotch and brandy. They are MILK BOTTLES!!!

It isn’t beer foaming from the cans…It is cream…thick, foamy cream followed by endless gallons of MILK!!!

What’s that you ask?


Yes MILK!!!

I know…it’s an absurd notion…why would our Federal Government swoop down and wreak such havoc on farmers producing milk to be consumed by a willing public?

Let’s dial the level of absurdity to a new level shall we?

Those gangsters aren’t the gangsters of 1930s Chicago fame. These outlaws wear suspenders. They don straw hats and wear well trimmed and groomed beards with clean shaven upper lips.

To add even more high comedy to the show…You can remove the car from scene one….instead of the car…we see a horse loping along this back country road. The horse is harnessed to a black enclosed wagon with an orange triangle affixed to the rear.

What of the untouchables in the woods?

If you haven’t figured out by now…The farm house they are swooping down on is an Amish farm house in the fertile farm country of southeastern PA.

Yes that’s right.

I said AMISH!!

And I ask you…


I simply could not believe what I was reading when I came across this article the other day on Drudge “Feds sting Amish farmer selling raw milk locally: Cite interstate commerce violation


Are you Serious?

I mean…this approaches a level of absurdity worthy of Monty Python or Weird Al Yankovic.

In fact…even these comedic geniuses never conceived of an idea so idiotic at which to poke fun.

So, if I decide I want to use MY hard earned money…to buy fresh milk from a cow free of processing and pasteurization as generations of our forebears did…I am committing a FEDERAL CRIME?

Worse, I am aiding and abetting an Amish Farmer in the COMMISSION OF A FEDERAL CRIME?


Maybe my outrage at this comes from my childhood.

I remember my cousin, who was the same age as me, used to get up early to feed and milk the cow among other chores in time to ride the bus to school every morning.

I can remember my aunt, in the kitchen on mornings when we had the opportunity to help milk the cow, straining the milk to remove the short hairs that came from the cow when we milked her. I remember her churning the butter and making home made whipped cream.

I remember how sweet and rich a fresh glass of unprocessed and unpasteurized milk is and what a treat it was for a young boy.

And the butter…

OHH my!!

There is simply no comparison to what we buy at the store!

You haven’t eaten butter till you’ve eaten it home made on freshly baked buttermilk biscuits.

I look back and remember the hard work that went into it…and at the treat this labor of love produced and I marvel at how little I appreciated the simple pleasures of a time long since past and yearn to return to it deep down.

In all likelihood, I know I’ll never experience such pleasures again….unless I were to decide to buy some fresh milk from a farmer and do this labor of love myself….

But of course…to do so would be to make myself and the farmer a felon wouldn’t it?

I know…I’ve traveled far and wide to come to the point…but here’s the point.

I think this would be absurd if it were the STATES doing this…but our FEDERAL GOVERNMENT?

This is but one area….

It is but but one symptom of the enormous overreach of our federal nannies.

I can’t think of a better example of the sorry state of affairs we now find ourselves in.

I mean…COME ON!!!!!

Yeah, I know…the FDA goes to great lengths to point out there is no proof of increased health benefits to drinking fresh milk.

We hear the grave warnings of an increased risk of E-Coli contamination to me or my family.

But shouldn’t it be my choice to take that risk?

They also raise the specter of typhoid fever and diphtheria.

But seriously…with all the farmers in this country consuming farm fresh products from their own farms as well as 10 Million fresh milk consumers as quoted from this article…can anyone point me to one case of typhoid and diphtheria last year? What ever the number, I can’t conceive of it being so high as to justify such foolishness.

To ad insult to injury the article makes a great point:

The FDA’s actions stand in contrast to other areas where the Obama administration has said it will take a hands-off approach to violations of the law, including the use of medical marijuana in states that have approved it, and illegal-immigrant students and youths, whom the administration said recently will not be targets of their enforcement efforts.

So it’s hands off the criminal marijuana trade but we are treating Amish Farmers like bootleggers?

Or in the words of Pete Kennedy, president of the Farm-to-Consumer Legal Defense Fund”

… undercover stings are not unheard of. “It happens quite a bit. It’s almost like they treat raw milk as crack. It’s happened in a number of states, and at the federal level,” he said.

Hmm…Amish farmers are the new crack dealers…and fresh milk is the new crack?




1) We’re all fighting over a bloated federal Budget of $3.6 trillion this year;

2) We fuss about running an annual deficit of $1.6 Trillion;

3) We fight about cutting funding for NPR, Planned Parenthood, The National Endowment for the arts, and an alphabet soup of needless, wasteful and useless federal agencies;

4) We fuss about duplicative laws, agencies and regulation:

5) We worry about federal regulation suffocating every aspect of American commerce;

6) We fuss and fret about our nation’s inability to stop an invasion along our southern border which includes potential terrorists our government has decided to label “other than Mexican”;

7) We fret about the influx of illegal contraband coming through our porous borders and ports;

So our federal masters…this new breed of fearless untouchables have decided to declare a war on Amish Farmers and those who seek them out to buy their fresh, unprocessed products and tax our top heavy and overburdened criminal justice system with CRIMINALIZED AMISH FARMERS?

This would be a joke and an opportunity to dance around and laugh uproariously if it weren’t so serious and infuriating.

I can see the rational for having the FDA regulate what is sold in our supermarkets. But should it be a FEDERAL CRIME for me to give my hard earned dollars to a Farmer in exchange for milk fresh from the cow?

I think…if we’re going to reign in Federal Government and the cost of Nanny State Policies…there’s no better place to start than here!!!

I’ll leave you with these thoughts:

Is this REALLY the kind of country we want?

Is this what America should be?

Is there any reason to allow our federal government to have such power?

With all the inmates we have in the largest criminal prison system on the planet…is it REALLY a good idea to put Amish Farmers behind bars?

Is there nothing else the FDA could be focusing limited and precious resources AND OUR TAX DOLLARS ON?

I ask you, how on earth did our forebears survive these last couple centuries without these protectors of the common good regulating our every move?

The new Criminal Enterprise…The new Scarface….The Amish!!!

GOD help us!


I’m considering a Part 2

ATTACK OF THE Killer DO GOODERS II: Regulators VS Toys with Tater Tots or Terror beneath the Golden Arches


Maybe someone would be willing to take this script and make an actual video of it. I could conceive a whole series made like this…